Each night before I go to sleep, I pick up whichever novel I’m in the middle of and read for a few minutes. It’s such a wonderful way to ground myself and create a relaxing space between the busy state and the dream state.
Just recently, I was reading a novel called, Home Safe by Elizabeth Berg. I came across a passage that almost lit up for me on the page. In the story, the main character – a novelist – was saddened and worried that physical books were becoming obsolete. They weren’t as flashy as electronic readers, and she thought that they just wouldn’t be able to keep up with the growing trend of people wanting something more high tech with a screen and a hard drive.
The part that really stood out for me was this:
Books aren’t loud enough; they’re not showy enough; they don’t move quickly enough, indeed, they don’t move at all. They require stillness, reflection, imagination, and these things are out of step with the times.
I read it over and over again, and it just about brought tears to my eyes. I felt like she was talking about me.
I’m not showy or loud. Definitely not. I don’t move quickly. And I absolutely require stillness and reflection and imagination (lots of it, actually).
And I felt a bit sad. After thinking about it for awhile (see, there goes the reflection…), I found that my sadness was coming from feeling as though I would never completely fit in (not a huge surprise, but it still produced a bit of melancholia since that desire to blend and be “normal” is so innate).
I felt that my authentic self wasn’t flashy and never would be. And I realized that if I tried to “jazz myself up,” – in the form of being loud or zany or more outgoing, it would be a losing battle right from the start. Because in doing so – in even attempting to do so – I would lose myself, my essence. I would disconnect from my soul.
And I started wondering how many of us are trying to keep up with this flashiness and this zaniness and this fast-moving-ness?
How many of us are going against the grain of everything we know to be true within our hearts and our bodies simply because we want to fit in?
I can certainly relate.
I’ve often just wished I were normal. Not so sensitive. Not so quiet. Not so this or that or anything else that kept me at arm’s distance from the rest of the world.
And while I may always wonder what it would be like to fit in and keep up, I know that it will never happen. I can say that with complete certainty because I have given up trying.
It’s just not worth it. Seriously.
If I were meant to be showy and flashy and zany, I would’ve been born that way. But I wasn’t. And the more time I spend with myself, the more I realize that I’m liking more and more who I am – who I have always been – and who I have allowed myself to become.
No, I don’t always fit in. And that’s okay.
I fit in where it matters – at home and in this community. We are fitting in together.
We have created this sacred space of love and honesty and quietness and soulfulness. It’s not glamorous and filled with glitter, and it’s not showy and flashy. But it’s just right. And I absolutely love it. And that’s really wonderful.
So if you, too, resonate with the passage above, please know that you aren’t alone. There are so many of us out here who are leading the way with our quiet introspection and our stillness and reflection.
And we’re finding each other. And that feels pretty amazing, doesn’t it?
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Hugs,
I’m delighted to see such posts – I am over trying to fit in. One of the reasons for traumatic experiences in my life.
I love it when I see people of influence write this information, we need more of it and more of wonderfully authentic people.
Love it!
Wow, Jodi, i loved your post today……it reminds me to be humble and happy with who i am, which is very similar to what you described…..like the winter, sometimes introverts have lights within, rather than flashy lights outside….i get disturbed by too much flash and like the courage and humility to just be a human being (that’s a quote by Robert Rosellini actually:)….and it also reminds me of a quote my husband sent me when we first met…..I think the latter parts refer to introverts and water signs, but overall I think perhaps it refers to the coexistence of opposites within the element of water. It’s by Tagore:
“The water in a vessel is sparkling; the water in the sea is dark. The small truth has words which are clear; the great truth has great silence.” I guess I prefer the vast oceanic silence that occurs in the deep waters of the ocean.
Thanks again for the great post.:)
I love the way you write! Straight from the heart and your truth.. I’ve never been one much to fit in for the last 40 years or so but when I was younger I guess I was just like everyone else – wanting to be liked and doing my best to earn everyone’s approval. Some hope!
In the end I worked out that the only person I really wasn’t pleasing was myself as I tried to do handstands and cartwheels to satisfy everyone’s various demands… and that was it! No looking back!
Great share! Have shared…
Jodi, another wonderful, sincere, and moving post. ‘Fitting in’ with the norms of society is so not a requirement for one to be successful, and in peace with themselves. Actually the opposite. It’s most important to ‘fit in’ with your own beliefs, values, and the things YOU wish to pursue. The greatest, deepest things in life are in fact never flashy – they are simple and invisible.
That was beautiful and honest, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the honest sharing. We all need to remember we are one-of-a-kind!
Ah, Jodi, I get this in such a deep way. I’ve never fit in and it caused me so much pain for so long.
I am so delighted to be at a place of self-appreciation and the ability to appreciate others for their uniqueness, their beautiful quirkyness.
Did you know sometimes I call myself a quirkypreneur? Well, it’s so true!
Love you and what you bring to my life and the lives of so many.
xoxox
Sue
I relate to this so much. I’m not flashy, I’m quite, I’m sensitive, I tend to fade into the background… mostly I worry about this when I’m with a group of people (attending a workshop, for example) and then with trying to build a business online it’s something I grapple with. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this so openly…
I felt that my authentic self wasn’t flashy and never would be. And I realized that if I tried to “jazz myself up,” – in the form of being loud or zany or more outgoing, it would be a losing battle right from the start.
YES! This! Jodi, I used to read posts from business mentors (and even business friends) exhorting me to “be my sassy, outrageous, wild and bold leader self”, and it would just never resonate for me.
I used to feel like maybe there was something wrong with me – they’d talk about “having the courage to be your real self”, and I always wanted to turn around and say “It’s not ABOUT courage – that person you’re talking about is just not the authentic ME!”
The person that I am is… quiet (until you get me started talking about something I’m really passionate about, at least), a little bit snarky sometimes (but never wants to actually hurt people unnecessarily), and really, is happier to find a good, authentic leader than having to step out in front and lead the way myself (although I’m willing to do that too if I have to).
When I started understanding more about introversion, I tied acceptance of my quieter self to the fact that I’m deeply introverted… although come to think of it, there may well be quiet extroverts out there too.
One thing I’ve learned is that it really does take all types. While my world may be a brighter, more exciting place because of all my flashy, outrageous, extroverted friends, it’s also a richer ones for all the quiet introverted folks I know too 🙂
Blessings
TANJA
The enormous drive for safety, to belong to the tribe and adhere to the rules of it runs deep in us. To be part of the group is to be safe. To dictate the group and decide what “fitting in” means is to have power and control. It takes a lot of courage to be who you are and go for freedom over safety, but I believe it always pays off and is ultimately what makes a person inspiring and charismatic– being unapologetically themselves.
That excerpt is so perfect! I definitely want to check out this book now. And I totally understand what it feels like not to fit in, but after college I realized I didn’t want to fit in, I didn’t want to be like everyone else. So I like being my shy self.
I’ll never fit in either, Jodi! I resonate with that passage so much. It looks like there’s a big group of us who can fit together in a new way! That’s exciting.
I always seem to resonate with your posts, Jodi. I go through times of totally accepting myself and my more sensitive and introverted nature and times of not accepting it. If I am comfortable around someone I then come out of my shell. I find that certain people don’t seem to want to embrace my more sensitive nature. And example is that this last weekend my husband and I went on a trip and his brother in law was there and his brother in law kept commenting on how quiet I was being. He makes little passive aggressive comments to me to which really hurts. I have felt for the last few years that my brother in law does not like my more introverted nature and he wants me to be more animated and life of the party. I used to be like that around him and it hasn’t been until the last few years that I have come into my own. I no longer “play pretend” anymore that I am a extroverted and bubbly person. It makes me sad that a lot of people just don’t see the beauty that I carry and I often feel overlooked and ignored. My husband and a counselor totally see my beauty. It can be a really lonely road but I am thankful to be on the road of embracing it more fully. I know that their is so much joy in this journey. I am excited to grow from my pain and keep embracing who I am. I really appreciate all of the information you put out there because much of the time I feel like you are telling my story. Love to you!
Anna
I certainly can relate to this post! I’m sort of the opposite though. I’m an introvert and yet at the same time I’m kind of bubbly and flamboyant. I find I’m at time I will try to “tone myself down” to appear a bit more balanced or normal, but of course it usually kind of blows up my face.
I can totally relate! I’m glad you shared this article because everyone needs to know that it’s ok to be themselves. When I find I’m anxious and I feel like I’m not fitting in, I stop and ask myself why I feel it’s so important to fit in at that moment. I ask myself why I feel like I don’t fit in at that moment. It helps shine a light on the situation and makes me realize that I’m fine. If someone doesn’t like me for who I am than that’s ok, they weren’t meant to like me.