There are some posts that I write that make me feel a bit queasy when I publish them. I am already feeling that about this one, and I haven’t even written it yet.
I feel an unsettling inside of me. Like the real me is trying so desperately to emerge from this cocoon held together by the me that I thought I was – the me that I tried to be – the me that no longer feels like me.
Do you feel this way, too?
As hard as this authentic me has been pushing through the barriers – wading through the many layers of protection that have kept it hidden for so long, my comfortable, afraid self has been pushing this realness – this rawness in me down – knowing that if I allow it to fully come to the light – be born – I will have to change. My life as it is will no longer be an option. And that scares me.
Talking about creating a life that I am proud of and actually living that life are two completely different things. For the last year, I have been preparing myself for my new life. I have written extensively about it here. I have taken a few steps forward and several steps back. I have felt brave one minute and terrified the next. And I honestly feel like throwing up right now, which tells me that I am hitting a real nerve. If I am truly going to grow and allow my soul to call the shots, I have to leap into the unknown. Not write about it or think about it or talk about it – but actually do it. Have tangible proof that I have done it.
So that’s where I am today.
I am here now – before me, you, and the universe. I am standing strong in my belief that this life – the way I have been living it – is no longer an option for me. I am committing to making the leap once and for all – no more retreating into comfort. I am a writer, an inspirer, a connector, a supporter, a blogger, and a friend. What no longer fits into this life – my life – is running a gift business. One that I have so loved – one that I truly feel is like a child to me. One that I have both cherished and resented. One that I allowed to keep me safe, but also allowed to stunt my growth. I adore the connections that I have made through it. I adore the products that I have created and put into the world because of it. But, in moments of complete honesty, I realize that I have moved on energetically – I am simply going through the motions. I know that the only reason I am still here is because I have been afraid to leap into the unknown. I have been afraid of not knowing how I will get by financially. I have been afraid of so many what ifs.
There is something about embarking on a new year that brings up the possibilities and the paths we can take, isn’t there? I have to be completely honest with myself and recognize that I am tired of this path. I have done it for seven years, and I was so passionate about it for a long time. And I am so grateful for all of the steps that it gave me to bring me right where I am today. But continuing to stay in this role of business owner is keeping me from moving toward the next phase, which I want to embrace with every ounce of my being. I want to write. And if I am so lucky as to inspire others through my writing, then I know that it has all been worth it.
I want to soar. And I don’t feel that I can do that with this heavy weight keeping me on the ground.
Writing this down and knowing that you all are reading is a good step for me. It will hold me accountable to take action steps and make some big changes. I don’t want to look at my life a year from now and be in the same position. I don’t want to wish that I had written my book but instead spent all of my time filling orders and gluing journals. I don’t want to feel that I was too afraid to step into this calling. I don’t want to ignore the tap on the shoulder that the universe has been giving me for over a year. I don’t want my time to share what’s in my soul to wait another moment.
So there it is. Thank you for supporting me during this transition. Thank you for being there for me through this past year of change and uncertainty. I feel that this is the final leap, and I am so grateful knowing that you all here. So grateful.
As this year winds down, and we set our sights on a new one – let’s all spend some time reflecting on our lives and really being honest about whether we are truly living the life that we want to be living. Do you feel called to travel down another road? Are you staying comfortable rather than embracing the unknown? Do you, too, feel queasy just thinking about venturing forward and soaring into new territory? Do you want to put your soul in the driver’s seat, push through the fear, and take that leap?
If so, please join me – let’s hold hands and leap into the unknown together! Let’s let the universe know that we are serious! Let’s show ourselves that we are truly committed to being completely authentic, and we will do whatever it takes.
Are you in?
Jodi…I have total goosebumps right now. I’m shaking inside and everything in me is screaming YES, I’m so damn ready!@!!!!!!!!! And yes, we are absolutely holding hands, holding/supporting one another…we’re in this together, my friend–100%.
Isn’t it all just so wild? The fear, the courage, the fear, the courage…back and forth and back again.
I’m so ready to leap! I’m absolutely, totally committed to allowing my soul to be in the driver’s seat! I am so comforted that you’re right here with me….
1 2 3…Ready. Set. GO! Weeeeeeeeee…………..
You are a brave, brave woman. It’s an honor to know you.
With so much love,
Julia
I had a feeling you’d be ready and willing to leap right alongside me! And I’m so glad that you are! I am constantly inspired and amazed by your ability to “go there,” Julia. Truly.
I have felt queasy all day – wanting to race back and delete this post – crying to Dan that it’s too soon – too scary – too much. And so your words of support and love came at exactly the right moment. Thank you for that. Let’s make this fun and exciting rather than scary and nausea-inducing! Let’s leap because we know it’s right. Let’s go there because we know we need to – because we can’t imagine our lives if we don’t.
So much love and gratitude to you!
Yes on all accounts! I’m very up for making this fun & exciting! Your courage makes me feel more courageous, my friend.
It’s time! I so feel that it is time!
P.S: I’m in!
Jodi,
I just read your post. I honestly was wanting to write to you and share a few moments I have experienced. This was over the past couple months. Not a writer, So my chatterbox says you wouldn’t care to hear any way.
So, my dear here goes. I feel like I have been blessed to have connected to your writing. You have spoken exact thought I have had, you have perception that I make effort to see on my own. Through the short time I have been allow into your world I have been making changes. Huge personal transition in part due to the support of you (you most likely are not aware of) and I am so grateful. I understand it is all about community and aiding, supporting, sharing throughout and quite selflessly. I just feel that my part must also be huge in your community I mean those who ‘don’t share’ a lot. But we sure do benefit. Do you know what I mean?
You see I journal daily and my point is… Mostly I write for my higher-self and therefore no one else sees what I experience. So the helpers, the gifts from God like yourself never get acknowledged. Here is an example of what you are doing for people like me and possibly many… When you will not have the opportunity to get a true measure of you efforts. Please know that your gifts are received daily. And though we may not share back you are in our hearts.
Tuesday 12.6.11
Today feels like I made the turn.
Yesterday transition and many messages to re-enforce the transition. Thank you!
The day before was when I forgave myself. I forgave myself for loving someone who didn’t love me back. I stopped beating myself up for choosing to believe that they would get it. “It” was so simple, they projected lack of on to my beliefs. I allowed someone else to guide my life. I allowed in the brow beating of rejection, disrespect and untruth. I knew that this person knew better or I would have not chosen them. Or would I?
Today after releasing myself from the bondage of that toxic relationship. After the tears, after the fears, I feel renewed. I feel like I am me again. I can breath I can shed tears of joy! I know that God is within me I move through the day with ease and grace. My anger is gone my frustration is released.
I have realized the achievements of my truth. I can hold myself in grace. The fighting of my own inner higher-self with the tugging of my chatter has stopped. At least for now. The quiet heals the rest of my body. The flow of universe and pure spirit lives within, and moves through me.
Sending Love, Light and great Gratitude into the Universe of which I am so proud and grateful to be full part of!
Today i give myself the honor of my own presence, of the grace allowed to offer myself to be the vessel of which God works through.
I am blessed and I send blessings to all and so it is. (end)
Since nothing is a coincidence you have been making your way for a reason. I for one whole heartedly support you!
Love, Light and in Gratitude
Marcia
Oops all that would be a yes I am in!
Marcia,
As you know, I replied to your beautiful comment by email, so you know how touched I was by it. I just wanted to add that I am thrilled that you are leaping with all of us! You have such a kind, loving spirit, and I can’t wait to be a part of your journey!
Jodi and All,
I’m leaping in with both feet. And if you need it, my shoulder is here for you to cling as you leap! May I rely on your shoulder, too?
Alex
Yay! I’m so glad you’re leaping with us, Alex! You can definitely rely on my shoulder – I’m sure I’ll be needing your support during this process, too. I love that we can all hold each other up and be held up by each other at the same time. ♥
Good luck, Jodi!
If you need any help along the way, you know where to find me on the blog.
I am more of a follow-the-signs-make-changes-every-day kind of person so I have PLENTY on my agenda but not really in a “leaping” kind of place. Usually it’s a good idea to leap before you get shoved off 🙂
Thank you so much for your support, Julie! Your guidance was so spot on, and you’ve already helped me so much.
So true about leaping before being shoved off – I definitely prefer jumping because I choose to not because I have to. Good point.
♥
Wow! That is all I can say. We are in the same boat and I feel a movement of freedom coming our way in 2012! Living from our internal guide and flying free is the best thing all of us can do and we are here for you to take that leap. I am in the process of evaluating things as well and want to write and go back to school to become a therapist. Your journals were on step to your destiny. They have helped me, my family and I know all that have purchased. Many blessings and steadfast courage to you my friend! Ginny
Thanks for commenting, Ginny!
I love that we’re in the same boat, and I am so grateful that I have your support. You have mine, too! I love that you want to write and go back to school! Please let me know if/how I can help you during this transition.
Thanks for your kind words about our Soulful Journals – we are taking them with us because we love them so much. Every part of the company brought me to where I am today, and I am so grateful for each step.
I can’t wait to watch you blossom into your new life! Let’s leap together! ♥
Jodi, I love this post! It rings so true on so many levels. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Yay! Thanks so much, Andreea! You were one of the first people I told about this new direction, and it feels like the weight is already lifting by sharing it with everyone now.
You were actually the catalyst for me – I never even imagined not doing This Is It! Creations – and when you sold Tees for Change, it opened up the possibility for me as well. So I will forever be grateful to you for that! ♥
I just love your honestly..your bravery…how you’re putting yourself out there and just ‘doing’ it. Words I could have written myself…as if I’m on the same parallel path and journey. So inspiring. Thank-you!
Thank you so much, Marcie! Believe me, there are times when I don’t feel brave at all – I’m terrified, actually. But I am choosing to keep pushing forward – staying open to this newness that lies ahead.
I would love to hear more about your path and journey. Please let me know if I can support you along the way.
♥
You say that you are letting go of your ‘gift business’. But you are in fact enhancing and taking it to another level. It’s just that your ‘gifts’ have transitioned into your writings and they are indeed gifts for all of us who are truly inspired by them. I am grateful to have stumbled upon your gifts, so I say thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hi CeeCee,
This is such a great point. Thank you for such beautiful insight! 🙂
I’m so grateful that you’re here!
I am IN!!!!!!
of course I am In!! I am going through this now. You are describing me in that post!! Thank you !!
I’m so glad you’re in, too, Nikki! Let’s do this together! 🙂