Why is it so hard to step into our own power? Why do so many of us have such a hard time claiming our talents and shouting them from the rooftops? We have no problem tooting our loved ones’ horns, yet when it comes to tooting our own, we suddenly become mute.
On what page in the “How to be human” manual does it mention that we need to play small, minimize our accomplishments, cover up our talents, and always be our own biggest critic? I can’t remember reading that part, can you? But we must have read it – we must have studied it and taken really good notes – we must have internalized it. We must have believed it was true because “playing small” is so many of our default settings. I definitely would receive an A+ in this if there were a test or a grade.
Here are two events that happened recently that made me realize that I had a hard time tooting my own horn:
- Me, the writer? I recently sold all of my office furniture as part of my great leap of faith toward writing full time rather than creating products. When the man who bought everything came over to pick it up, he asked why I was getting rid of it all. I told him that I was a writer, and that I didn’t need this large, heavy furniture to do that. His eyes lit up, and he looked around and said, “Wow, this is a really nice house. And you pay for this through your writing?” And, as I stumbled upon my words and got a bit flustered, I looked down and said, “No – not yet. But that’s the plan. I paid for all of this with my gift business,” and immediately deflated that proud look of hope in both of our eyes. And he went about moving the desks. And then I thought about it. I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but I immediately reverted back in time to a year ago when I wasn’t yet making a living with my writing. Now, however I am. This is what I do – I write. And I get paid for it. That’s my sole source of income. And while it’s not as much as I would like yet, it’s enough to live on. And that should have me standing tall and proud. I should be shouting it from the rooftops. But instead, I’m deflating it and minimizing it.
- Me, the artist? I was on a call yesterday with someone that I’m collaborating on an ebook with. She asked if I could do the artwork for it. She asked if I was an artist. I said yes, but then I immediately began to question whether I really was. I have a dear friend who is a world-class painter (I really think he will be known as the best of our generation.), and I can’t even begin to paint like him. So am I still an artist? I immediately began to backtrack with her and say that my style might not be what she’s looking for – it might be an acquired taste – maybe we shouldn’t even look at it. Thankfully, just as I was about to hang up in shame, my horn-tooting husband, Dan, was also on the line, and he stepped in and gave the website where my work could be seen. She happened to love it and said it was just what she had been looking for. She was thrilled! And I was so relieved. But then I wondered what it was going to take for me to step into and claim my talents. I have made a living off of my creative designs for eight years. And to still feel awkward about calling it art or sharing it with a client surprised me.
I have a feeling that you can relate to these examples, too. I know that there has been a moment in your life where you had the chance to toot your own horn and step into your power, and you instead chose to deflect the praise and minimize your talents. And I bet in that moment, you felt pretty low and probably beat yourself up afterward. Most likely you played the conversation in your mind again and again thinking of all of the things you wished you had said.
Your soul wants so badly for you to honor your gifts. And what I love about this life is that we get a million chances to change our patterns. At any moment, we can decide to live differently. Isn’t that great?
So, if you’re ready to create a new pattern where you are proud to show off your gifts – not in a conceited way, but in a loving, honor yourself kind of way – then here are some actions that I’m going to apply in my own life and welcome you to do the same:
- Be aware. Change can only take place when we are aware of what we want to change, right? I’m sure I’ve deflected my own gifts for many years without even realizing it. It’s only in the last year or so that I’ve begun to notice when I do this. So this is definitely the first step for all of us – recognize when were are minimizing our talents.
- Be willing to receive. When someone looks at us with admiration and pride, receive it. Say thank you. Think about how you feel when you give someone a compliment and they immediately deflect it or put themselves down or praise you instead. It sort of creates an awkward moment, and you both end up feeling kind of crappy, right? Remember that. Take the compliment. Honor the person who is saying it. Honor yourself for being the person that someone says it to.
- Be willing to love yourself. That’s what this all comes down to, after all: a lack of self love. If we felt truly great in our own shoes, we wouldn’t be afraid to tell everyone about our gifts. We wouldn’t want to cower and hide. We wouldn’t want to play small. So changing this pattern begins with loving ourselves. It starts with patting ourselves on the back when we do something great. It also starts with going easy on ourselves if we aren’t living up to our vision or our standard or where we thought we “should” be right now. No more shoulds, please. They never help anyway.
If we could all take these three actions, our world would change drastically. We would begin to honor each gift that we bring to the world. We would begin to walk with a little more spring in our step. We would begin to believe someone when they told us that we were wonderful. And that would be a great thing.
So…would you be willing to step into your power and toot your own horn? Would you be willing to shout your gifts and talents and accomplishments (however big or small) from the rooftops (or at least here on this blog)? I urge you to do so by commenting below. I urge you to stop playing small. Our gifts were meant to be shared with others. Isn’t it time we all did exactly that?
I love this post!
Ok here it goes..
I am a passionate life coach, I have a gifting of really being able to listen in between the lines and get to the core of what someone is expressing.
I have a passion for photography of lifes everyday little moments
Hi Heather,
Yay to you for tooting your horn!
I’m sure your clients can feel how passionate you are and really appreciate how you can get to the heart of what’s truly at their core. I love that!
I’m heading over to your blog to see if I can check out some of your photographs now.
🙂
I love your site – your blog and your Etsy shop! I just signed up and also hearted your shop (I’m thisisit). 🙂
I will start off by praising my progress that I have made just in the last few months. Most of my close friends give me praise whenever we get into a deep conversation. They are blown away when I can say just the right thing that sparks that flame in their soul that I just lit. By then end of the conversation, I see their eyes sparkle and that complete sense of hopelessness is diminished. I finally figured out how to control these conversations so that I don’t end up being the victim and absorbing their pain like I used to do. For that I feel proud that I sparked their hope again, and left feeling happy and not drained of my energy. Just making progress like I am, steadily working at educating myself and then reinforce it until it becomes natural. This is so great, I am uncovering my Gift more everyday. When you find your Gift, it becomes second nature almost to easily. And why shouldn’t it be easy to pick up and understand? It is your Gift that must be of Service to mankind, something that will resonate with just about every soul that you help, you have to learn to adjust and personalize it to that person.
Hi Patrick,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful gifts with all of us. I love that you have such a kind soul who is a natural at helping others. I also love that you’re learning how to put up a sort of shield so that you can help others while not feeling drained yourself. Great work and wonderful gifts!
Amen! Another beautiful post! I’m so glad you’re tooting your horn, sharing your wisdom, and spreading the love!
My own “toot”: my new blog (click website link)
Your new blog rocks! I love it so much, and I’m so proud of you for taking that leap and sharing your wisdom with the world, Dan. I love you! …
Ah, this post could well be about me. I have a major problem tooting my horn. But I just love tooting others’ horns. I get what you’re saying though. If we don’t, who will? 😀 Not everyone has the problem, thankfully.
I love your simple yet profound posts
Hi Vidya,
You have so much to toot about! Most recently, being interviewed at BlogAdda!
So glad we’ve connected! 🙂
Toot away! That is REALLY great that you are making $ through your writing. That is not an easy thing to do!
I am completely proud of myself for changing my work life 180 degrees, learning a new profession, starting my blog, being booked for intuitive readings, and being accurate all of the time. And not afraid to say so in the least 🙂 I think when you really move toward your soul gifts you become and less and less afraid to show the world who you really are. You can hear this in your post.
Thanks, Julie!
Yay for tooting your horn! I’m so glad that you took the leap and are a full-time intuitive now! You certainly were accurate with me.
You’re absolutely right that when we share our divine gifts with the world, it’s so much easier to toot our horn about it. 🙂
Excellent post! Thank you for sharing your feelings of “not enough.”
Two years ago, I spoke to you to share my love of your journals and to say we are neighbors here in the Rogue Valley.
Jodi, I think you are a whole lot of awesomeness.
Linda
“Good Race Vibes across America”
Hi Linda!
I do remember when you reached out – you had such nice things to say both then and now.
Thank you so much for your support, neighbor.
It looks like you’re doing some pretty amazing things, too!
🙂
Jodi
Hi Jodi,
I can relate in so many ways to your post today. I remember a time when I was at a wedding and a friend’s sister complimented me on my website and blog. Instead of saying thank you and accepting the compliment, I backpedaled in a big way, saying “Oh it’s nothing, absolutely not a big deal, etc.” It felt awkward and it has bothered me ever since. I missed a great opportunity to talk about my blog and share ideas.
I absolutely agree that we should be proud of what we’ve accomplished, and stop hiding in the shadows. That being said, I have a website and blog, Treatment Talk.org., for sharing and support of addiction, treatment and recovery. I come from the standpoint of being a mom in this experience, so that is my angle. Thanks for a great post!
Hi Cathy,
Yes, it does sound like you completely understand – you’ve been there in that awkward moment. 🙂
Thank you for tooting your horn about your wonderful website and blog! You’re offering such a great resource and supportive environment.
Let’s both keep it up!
Jodi:
I love your post. It is a great reminder for me to keep writing my book. People tell me they love the chapters I have written so far but I am still afraid to believe it is a worthwhile gift. Thanks for reminding me to keep shining the light of my gifts with the world.
Please keep writing and creating-I love your encouraging words.
Tanya in Nova Scotia
Hi Tanya,
I do hope that you’ll keep writing your book – then when it’s out you can toot your horn about it! In fact, you can toot it now for just being willing to begin and being brave enough to share it with others. I have a feeling that you have something brilliant and beautiful to share with all of us, and I can’t wait to read it.
Thank you so much for you sweet words. They mean so much. 🙂
I appreciate all your support Jodi. You are a gentle and brilliant soul shining in our world.
Thank you so much, Tanya. That’s such a sweet message to read. 🙂
Oh boy, this post hit a nerve. I’ve been wrestling with this issue for the last week. Well, ever since I launched my novel. I feel like I’m riding a roller coaster, confident one moment and overly critical of myself the next. It’s quite exhausting really.
But, when I get to the center of the truth…that place where my soul speaks louder than my doubts, I know that my work is good on many levels. I guess I need to remind myself of this continually rather than listen to the part of me that is still an insecure child, fearful of rejection.
This was a timely post my friend. You have such a knack for that.
Love,
Leah
Sweet Leah,
If anyone should be tooting her own horn, it’s you, my friend! I have your beautiful book sitting next to me right now. A book that you wrote is in my house! If that’s not evidence for horn tooting, I don’t know what is!
Thank you for going to your soul level here and for being willing to pat yourself on the back – even for a moment.
You are amazing. And I know that you know that.
So much love!
Toot toot! <3
Hey Leah:
You are brave and courageous to release a novel. Keep writing and sharing your clear strong voice. I find my inner fearful child likes ice cream :).
Dont know what to toot my horn about .. totally do not know what im about or what im good at .. have been told I write the odd good article or do good doodle art .. do not believe people HMMM is that a problem or what .. you bet your booties it is .. have really bad punctuation skills and not to fab at putting it in the right sentence, takes me days to get the words in the right order when writitng hence the reason I dont think Im been told the truth re my writing skills .. left shool when I was 14 years old so that probably didnt help Hahahahahaha … So would really love to toot my own horn but need to know what to toot my horn about in the first place … been told I would be a good psychologist as read people well, and help fix their problems sometimes but not sure if that is what I would love to do … So you could say im on here to ask for assistance in finding the toot your horn thing in the first place .. which I suppose is why most are on here … cheers susannah
Hi Susannah,
I would love for you to try an experiment – close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and ask your soul to list some of your gifts – some of the things that you’re good at. Be sure not to censor anything or critique anything. Take a piece of paper (or write on the computer) and start listing anything and everything that comes up. If nothing comes up, start with what your friends say you’re good at – such as doodling and writing and helping others. Don’t stop until you’ve filled up a sheet with everything that you’re amazing at. And then after you have your sheet filled out, you can go back and circle the ones that have a special charge to them when you read them – the ones that make you feel giddy inside. Those are your special gifts, my friend. And I know that you have them. They are in there just waiting to be acknowledged. 🙂
Thank you Jodi for this fantastic post. It resonates very strongly with where I’m at in my life – and today has been particularly tough in terms of experiencing my smallness and sense of inferiority, and feeling competely overwhelmed by it…. Haha that’s actually made me laugh in a loving kind of way “overwhelemed by my own smallness” !! …”My smallness is so HUGE that I simply cannot manage it another day!” Funny :)… My gifts that I don’t toot loudly about are my beauty, my creative writing skills, my sensitivity, my resourcefulness, and my ability to connect with and inspire others from a deeply heartfelt place…. Thank you for giving us this wonderful space in which to toot! With much appreciation XX
Hi Tazeem,
Thank you for tooting your horn! I’m sorry that you’ve had a tough day with feeling small (we’ve definitely all been there), but hopefully this made you see how many gifts you have and are already sharing with so many.
I love that! 🙂
Great post Jodi! It’s what I have the most trouble with when promoting my books and my blog. I really appreciate everything you had to say here. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Betsy!
Yes, it is a bit of a hurdle to climb over to be okay with promoting our writing with others. When I start feeling unsure or not super confident about this part of it, I remind myself that I truly am writing to inspire others. And so the more I promote, the more people who will read my writing and hopefully feel inspired. And that’s how I see it for you, too. You’re doing such an amazing job with your writing – the entire world needs to know about it! 🙂
be willing to receive is a big one for me!!
I’m so bad at taking / accepting compliments. I always tend to downplay myself.. I’m not sure why I do this and I’m even aware I do it, but I still continue to.. I should take a closer look at why I still feel the need to keep that around and if I’m finally willing to let it go..
I’m bad at tooting my own horn too!
(here’s me shamelessly trying to toot my own horn)
I have a blog banner/header design sale right now for $29 and in the first 15 hours, I only have 2 orders! I feel bad because I just don’t know how to market myself or give myself much visibility even when I DO want to toot my own horn! My blog is still practically a fledgling. I just feel like I miss the art of how its done effectively. I would love to redesign your blog header if you’re interested! 🙂
Hi Janet,
Thanks for your comment!
The first step to change is awareness, and so you’re well on your way to being able to let go of these patterns and move into a place where you can receive and accept compliments easily!
Good job at tooting your own horn! 🙂
thank you so much, how you were able to get to what I need to hear.. so cool. I too am trying to take the leap of faith, but I have the crazy luxury of a hard working, money making husband and I think I’m stuck in my fear of loosing that. I don’t know why but that’s what it feels like, I’m tied to his apron stings and can’t seem to let go.. I’m taking a class from a wonderful teacher in 2 weeks and am setting that as the goal launch as I’m setting up for my goal of being self sufficient in my own arts… Wish me love and strength… Kay
Hi Kay,
It sounds like you’re taking positive steps toward taking your own leap! I think it’s great that you’re taking a class and moving closer to being self sufficient! It’s such an empowering feeling. Here’s to both of us leaping! 🙂
Wow, great timing. I’ve been tooting my own horn lately in terms of talking about my passion projects, and it isn’t easy when you’re not practiced at it like me. But the more I step into my fear and give it a go, the easier it gets.
Me…I’m a personal development junkie, who coaches and develops powerful experiential online course for our ever-evolving species…trying out all kinds of weird stuff out on myself, so I can help others be the change they want. 🙂
Fantastic post once again!
Thank you, David! 🙂
You’re absolutely right that the more we step into our fear the smaller it becomes. I’m so glad you’re here tooting your horn!
I look forward to hearing more about your e-courses!
Truly a powerful post, Jodi!
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize how much we have grown. I think I read it too on the Life Without Pants. It’s good to look back and recognize that what we have done so far. What we are able to do right now that we couldn’t do yesterday.
I’m learning each day and becoming a better web designer and blogger each day.
Thanks for the reminder. Keep on rocking. 🙂
Thank you so much, Alejandro!
You’re right that it can be hard to see how far we have come because we’re so close to it – so busy living it. Sometimes it’s good to take a look back and see that we’ve really made great progress!
I’m glad that you’re tooting your horn about your blogging and web design skills! Yay!
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂