When I started this blog all those years ago, I promised that I would be authentic here. I promised that I would show up and share the truth – the good times, the uncertain times, and also the hard times. Well, I’m going to keep that promise today by sharing that this year has been a tough one so far. In fact, it’s one of the hardest that I can remember having in many, many years.
It started in January with some health issues that popped up for me seemingly out of the blue. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening to my body.
And then on February 10th, also completely out of the blue, our healthy nine-year-old kitty, Elsie, suffered a stroke and passed away. Just that morning, she had been the picture of perfect health – lying in the sunshine with us, yelling for her canned food, enjoying her extra loving pets that Dan always gave her in the morning while she was sitting on her tall perch. And then she was gone. Just like that. She brought the sunshine into our life, and we’re still trying to pick up the pieces of a home without her in it.
Meanwhile, my health continued to get worse. And I finally had to realize something: that I needed help. I needed to lean on others. I didn’t know how to get through this alone.
So I assembled a team of doctors and healers to help me sift through what was happening so that I could find my grounding again, so that I could feel normal again. I’ve had to lean more than ever on Dan. I’ve had to pull back from our writing communities in order to take care of myself. I needed to admit to myself that I couldn’t do it all.
And this has all been really, really hard. It’s so easy to give, but it’s not always so easy to receive.
There are so many lessons here that I’m still in the midst of learning. I am seeing that I still have so much to learn about self-care and self-love and the mind/body connection and slowing down and being still and allowing myself to let go and forgive and move forward. I am seeing that I’ve been neglecting my body yet still expecting that it will somehow keep up, which definitely isn’t fair. And I am seeing how all of this fear that I have held onto for so many reasons for so many years isn’t helping me or serving me in any way at all. It’s time to release it, to be free of it. I’m seeing how I’ve allowed myself to get so far off track from what I know is good for me, focusing on the negative instead of the positive, focusing on what isn’t working instead of all that is.
So, I’m in the midst of getting super clear within my own heart about what it needs. And asking my body what it is screaming at me to know, to really know. I’m listening to it, to my doctors, to my healers, to my loved ones, to the universe. I’m listening. I’m surrendering. Because that’s really all I feel I can do right now.
I am leaning in. And feeling deep gratitude to be surrounded by so much love.
I love that it’s spring now. I look outside and see new life blooming and sprouting up all over the place. I feel the newness of the season and the possibility that it brings. And I get to hear the calming rain each day, which cleanses my soul in such a deep way. Each day I see and feel hope. I notice that my thoughts are more positive. I see evidence that my health is improving. And I feel that my heart is healing. Each day I feel love. And each day I feel immense gratitude for this life that I get to live – even in the hard times. I know how truly lucky I am. And that’s what I’m focusing on. I have so much support around me and so much love. And it’s my hope that when I come out the other side of this, my heart will have expanded in ways that I can now only begin to imagine. Because I trust that this is all happening for my highest good. I know that. But, for now, I’m leaning in. Because sometimes that’s all we can do. And it’s so nice to know that when we do, there’s always someone there to catch us. I’m so grateful for that.
I’m sending love to each of you who have been sending love. I feel it. And I’m letting it soak into every part of me. Love truly does have the power and the ability to heal. That I know for sure. And, thanks to each of you, I’m surrounded by so, so much of it.
P.S. A huge thank you to each of you who have signed up to join us as a contributing author in our next 365 book! We’re so excited to read your stories! If you haven’t signed up yet, you can do so here: http://www.365soulfulmessages.com. (We’re offering a special discount now, too!)
