This morning, as I groggily stumbled into the bathroom, something in the mirror caught my eye. I couldn’t believe it. I edged up super close to get a better look and saw that it was true: I found my first gray hair.
Now, for those of you who are younger than me – this may not resonate at all with you. You may wonder why I’m even giving this moment in my life space here at all. You may wonder why I’m writing about something so trivial (especially since you have years before you’ll experience it yourself). And for those of you who are older than me, you may have gone through this very moment years ago and can remember how it felt to realize – really realize – that you were getting older.
And I know that we are all getting older each second. I know that. But there is something about seeing real evidence of it that threw me into a downward spiral this morning. Gone were all of my spiritual teachings. Gone were the mantras and the positive thoughts. In that moment, all I could think about was the fact that I was getting older and that I had so much more to do, to learn, and to share still. And my own mortality was staring back at me reminding me that I wasn’t going to be here forever (in this form at least, but that’s a whole other post).
So, in an act of defiance, I did what anyone would do: I grabbed the piece of hair and pulled it out. There was something so satisfying about eliminating it from my body altogether. I didn’t have time to grow old. I wasn’t ready for it. And so I would just pretend that it wasn’t happening. Except it was (it is). And while I was in the shower ruminating on this one little gray hair, I realized something: I was spending all of my energy on the one piece of hair that I wasn’t happy about. And I was quickly becoming more and more deflated. I was focusing on the one little strand that I didn’t like rather than focusing on the many thousands of strands that I did. (I just looked up the average strands of hair that a human has on their head: 140,000 strands for someone with blonde hair. Seriously.)
And isn’t that something that we can all relate to in our lives – having nothing to do with hair? We focus on the one little part that we aren’t happy with rather than focusing on the majority of our life that we love.
We could be having a wonderful day: we woke up in a great mood, enjoyed our morning routine, shared a healthy breakfast with our loved ones, and then began our drive to work. And on the way, someone who was in a hurry – for whatever reason – cut in front of us while we were driving, which caused us to spill our coffee.
Which part of our day do you think we will focus on (in some way) from that point forward? If we aren’t conscious of it, most likely we will focus on the one little thing that happened that we didn’t like rather than the many things that we did. We would probably walk into work and tell anyone who would listen about our “horrible morning” and would rant about the bad driver. We would allow that one moment to taint the rest of our day. We may even bring the energy from it home with us and infect our family with it.
But, just like my ability to focus on the many blonde strands of hair, we all have the ability to focus on what we like in our life (which is most likely the majority) rather than what we don’t.
So that’s what I’m going to be focusing on – both with my hair and with my life.
I’m going to see this gray hair as another stage of growing up. It means that I am human. It means that I am normal. It means that there are certain things that happen in my body that are out of my control. But I know that I will always have control over my response to these things. I can choose to see them as a sign that I am wiser. I can choose to see each gray hair that comes in from now on as a symbol for my own growth and my ability to embrace each part of myself. And I can choose to see them as a wake up call. Knowing that I’m not going to be here forever can encourage me to live each day more fully.
The truth is that none of us knows exactly how much time we have left on this Earth. We don’t get to control that. But what we can control is what we do with our time while we are here. And that’s what this gray hair reminded me of. There is no time like the present to focus on all of the good instead of the little bit of not-so-good (or what we perceive to be not-so-good).
We all have the power to do that. Let’s not get stuck on the 1 in 140,000. Let’s focus instead on beautiful parts of life and get out there and live it!
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Jodi, congratulations on your first grey hair! It is a symbol of wisdom and maturity. Honor it my dear, even if you live in a society that doesn’t honor age. Americans have been conditioned to see aging as a disease and something to hide and be ashamed of. Particularly women. Our society does not allow women to age gracefully. If we are not physically beautiful then we are nothing… invisible. So, screw that ugly belief system and embrace who you are both inside and out. You will never get old Jodi. Your spirit is eternal. This body will age but it’s not who we are. Of course I know you already understand this.
I have many grey hairs and wrinkles, and after years of fighting it, I have finally accepted the aging process for what it is…a reminder that this world is not my home and that time is precious. I shouldn’t waste it worrying about grey hairs. Especially since we have Lady Clairol. LOL!
Beautifully said, Leah! Thanks for always being such a loving support! And you’re absolutely right that our time here is precious, and worrying about gray hairs is certainly not how I want to spend my time. 😉 Love to you!
Your post made me laugh this morning Jodi. Mostly because I recognize myself but also because what you say is so true of so many things in our world. If 90% of our life is absolutely fabulous, that little old 10% gets our attention.
What’s with that anyway. 🙂 Still makes me laugh.
Thanks for this reminder my friend.
Love Elle
xoxo
I’m so glad this made you laugh! I definitely did! You really are such a beautiful example of someone who knows how important our thoughts are – and how we always have the power of which ones we’re going to focus on and give our energy to. XOXO
Jodi, you’re post made me giggle a little bit. Okay, I have to say I giggled knowingly. Not so much about the grey hair. I enjoy the wisdom aspects of getting older so I’m often looking for my hair to turn grey (because, of course, this will automatically make me wise.) I’ll be peering into the mirror, grab a suspect hair and ask my salt-and-pepper haired partner, “Look! This one’s grey, isn’t it?!?” She just sighs and says, “No, sorry, it’s just sort of blonde-ish.”
Anyway, the part that made me giggle knowingly was when you said that you noticed the hair and all of your spiritual teachings and mantras went right out the window. Thanks for sharing your moment of spiritual crisis because it helps me know I’m not the only who does that!
It’s good to be reminded that setbacks are just setbacks and we don’t have to make any more out of them than that. Just pick up and continue forward again.
That’s so funny that you’re hoping for gray hair and I’m dreading it. Such a great perspective shift! And it’s true that we all lose our spiritual bearings once in awhile – we’re human, after all. 😉 And I actually like when that happens because it allows me to see how much I’ve learned when I’m able to shift my focus and incorporate all that I’ve learned. And thankfully, you’re absolutely right, we can keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward. 🙂
Welcome to the real world, Jodi! 🙂 I must confess, I have blonde highlights which my hairdresser tells me last longer because of the gray in my hair! See? There is a bright side, just as you have said here and have encouraged us to focus upon.
As for time passing, I actually wrote about this in my most recent post. Hope you will visit!
Blessings to you!
I love seeing the bright side – thanks for the highlight tip! 🙂 I’m off to check out your latest post right now. Hugs!
Jodi,
Great post — resonated with me on so many different levels…
One, I was laughing to myself because losing one’s hair is so gradual and you have denial and then finally acceptance…So much more lengthy of a process than yanking out a single gray hair. I was thinking to myself “She just gets to pull out the hair — quick fix…I guess I could plaster some hair onto my head — quick fix too! Maybe a black sharpie would work too! 🙂 You had me laughing at myself…
Two, you had a great point — we spend so much time focusing on the few flaws we may have or insufficiencies when there are literally thousands of blessings and great things that happen that we don’t focus on…Great point.
Three, I love the concept, “Knowing that I’m not going to be here forever can encourage me to live each day more fully.” Being in touch with our physical mortality helps us maintain perspective and is a powerful motivator, just like you! 🙂
Thanks for the nice message today Jodi! May your other hairs be blonde for a long time! 🙂 Now, it’s time to grab my black Sharpie…quick fix…
Thanks for the laugh, Victor! And also for the perspective – you’re so right that I still have all of my hair. And while we are all aging every day, it’s so wonderful to see it with humor rather than dread. So thank you extra for that! And if you do ever sharpie your head, please send me a picture! 😉
Jodi, I love this post. My hairdresser actually told me a couple of visits ago that when I was ready to let my grey hair show, then we could talk about adding in black or very, very dark foils to my hair to make the transition less of a shock. I think it was because of the very, VERY wide zebra stripe in the middle of my head, because before then I’d dyed it before I went to the hairdresser’s instead of afterwards. I freely admit I’m not ready to go “au naturale” yet and think that whatever makes YOU feel happy and confident with your appearance is just fine.
The part about the coffee resonated with me incredibly and since my retreat I’ve very much been focused on my mindfulness and how I’m thinking about things during my days. Aging has it’s drawbacks but it also brings with it so much wisdom, so much calmness and a deep, deep knowing that you are a wonderful, beautiful being in spite of the difficulties associated with it. I actually find it a hell of a lot harder acknowledging that those I love are aging rather than facing my own mortality but am quite prepared to admit that could be because I’m in denial. *wink*
Thanks for the reminder about focusing on the good stuff – and that it IS mostly good stuff.
With gratitude,
Shân xx
Hi Shan! Thanks for your comment – I completely agree that it’s hard to watch our loved ones age. This is something that I struggle with, too. Change can be difficult, even if we’re all going through it together. Focusing on the good truly transforms our lives, though, so I’m going to do my best to see all of the wonderful things that are coming from this new experience. 🙂 Hugs to you!
Lovely post. My father recently learned he will probably be leaving this realm much sooner than he expected. Also a keen reminder to do what you wish and live as you must sooner rather than later.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I’m so sorry about your dad, CJ. Please know that I’m sending you both love right now. Huge hug to you.
Hi Jodi,
At 57 I have a fair bit of gray hair….however many men my age have no hair at all…so I am thankful for my gray.
Age has physical manifestation. I find ‘young, fresh’ thoughts keeps my age at bay…the best years are still there.
be good to yourself
David
Thanks, David! Thankfully my mind is still in tact and hopefully that will continue. Glad to hear yours is, too! 🙂
I have quite a few of those gray hairs now. Like you did with your first, I used to pull them out. Now I see it as you wrote so eloquently …as a sign of wisdom, etc. Loved this post and all of the points you made. I have to admit that I chuckled more than once…not at you, just because I recognized it from when my first one popped up. Welcome to the signs of wisdom and experience club. 🙂
Thanks, Tracy! I think I’m going to love being a part of this club! It sounds like it’s filled with some pretty amazing souls. 🙂
Jodi, I’ve been denying my gray hairs . . . they’re TOTALLY just kind of thicker blonde hairs. Definitely. And if I keep dyeing them electric red, then nobody’s the wiser.
Thank you for the laugh at first and your deeper thoughts on aging and how we spend our energy. I’m bookmarking this so I can read it again!
Hi Gigi! I’m so glad you liked this post – thank you! And yay for you for going electric red and moving forward with life! I love it! 🙂
Jodi, what a beautiful post – thank you so much for sharing. I totally feel your point about focusing on what we do love rather than fighting against what we don’t.
As an aside, I get grays sometimes and always pluck them out (I find it really satisfying too! But I am a weirdo who enjoys plucking my brows too so I don’t know if it’s age defiance or not :)… a few months ago I was at a party with my husband, and we met a girl there who was my age (early 30s) who had a lot of gray hair. After the party, my husband commented that he really likes gray hair on women – not necessarily the gray hair per se, but more the confidence and grace it takes to rock gray hair without dyeing it. So to some, the 1 in 140,000 is the most beautiful of all!!
Hi Marla! I love that shift – how some may love the 1 in 140,000 rather than see it as a problem. Thank you for that! 🙂
Oh Jodi, this made me laugh. I had a very similar experience not very long ago when I discovered my first grey hair…and it wasn’t on my head!!!!! I love the wisdom you share here and you are so right, we so often focus on the one negative part of a day or issue than all the positives. Thanks for this wonderful reminder xxx
Your post made ME laugh! Thank you! 🙂 XO
Love this post! Fasten your seat belt, Jodi, because it just keeps coming, with the inevitability of a freight train.
My loving suggestion: Start redefining beauty, and love your beautiful self!
Love and blessings,
Sue
Thank you for the beautiful suggestion, Sue! And also for the humor! I think we definitely will need that moving forward. 😉
*grins* – I think I was 26 when I discovered my first grey hair – I put it down to the pollution stress of living in London.
Fast forward just over 13 years; and earlier this year I decided to stop colouring my hair for a while. The decision was partly to let it recover from the damage that constant colouring had done to it, and partly because I was curious to see what it would look like when it went back to its natural colour.
And it’s funny – I love the idea of going grey. I love the idea of getting to keep my pale skin, and dark eyebrows, eyes and eyelashes, but having salt-and-pepper or even silver hair. I’ve always thought that combination looked striking on other women, and wondered what it would look like on me.
But despite the fact that I love the idea? I still find myself pulling out indivdual grey ones anyway. My internal contradictions, let me show you them!
I love that you have both sides – one who wants to pull them out and the other who sees the peppered hair as striking. That’s so great and so human! We all have all of these different sides to us, and it’s wonderful when we can admit that! I’m sure your hair is really beautiful dyed and natural. 🙂
So funny. My cousin found my first grey hair and pulled it out. I never do. I earned each one of them.
How did you find a grey hair in a blonde head? Sounds like a needle in a haystack. Glad you’re adjusting. 😉
Great post Jodi so true.
I love Marla’s attitude she earned everyone so she’s keeping her grey hairs. Well I have made some progress on grey hair too. I once tried to pull all my grey hairs out, I got to about 10 and said forget it i still had 20 more to go. Now a decade later I have maybe 20 more and I would never go anywhere with grey hair but tomorrow when I go to lunch with my mom and sister I am going to wearing all 50 of my grey hairs and that is just the way I roll. 🙂
Hi Jodi! A couple of things come to mind: 1) It is all about perception, and once we are aware of this we see the world in a whole new light; 2) This just emphasizes Don Miguel Ruiz’s First Agreement that we were talking about today on It’s OK to Be You! Be Impeccable With Your Word…and if this means embracing our gray hairs (whether we choose to cover them up or not), and finding the positive side of the equation, this will only lead us to more peace and love!