The Power of Labels

Posted on March 13, 2011 by admin

Have you ever had a moment where you wanted to change in some way, but you didn’t because it seemed too crazy, too out of the box, too “not you”?

The labels we give ourselves are really powerful.

They can define us – and this can be empowering or stifling depending on where the label came from (our higher self or our comfort zone). If your higher self created the label, then you know it’s something great that you either currently embody or you can strive for. If you create labels for yourself from a point of low self esteem, comfort, or because you think you should – then they can hinder your growth and box you in to a life of comfort and stagnation.

I recently took a look at what labels I give myself – both professionally and personally.

I have been designing, writing, and making journals for over six years. Our business completely supports us, and I am comfortable calling myself an entrepreneur, a designer, and a creative spirit. But for some reason I had some blocks with calling myself a writer and an artist. For me, these words were powerful and I had to step back and think if I could truly embody these labels.

It’s so funny to realize this – the power of words is so strong!

I AM a writer and I AM an artist.

I can choose to create these labels for myself and fully embrace them.

Look at your own life.

What labels do you use to define yourself?

What labels do others use to define you?

Take some time today to write down these labels.

You could write: mother, friend, good cook, likes Chinese food, sensitive, artist, computer savvy, deep thinker, seeker, spiritual, nag, dependent, emotional, etc.

Write down every word you can think of that you would use to describe yourself.

Next, take a look and see if it truly describes the person that you want to be – your best self. If it doesn’t, get rid of it. Think about where each label came from. Is it something that you created for yourself or something that someone gave you that never seemed to fit (or no longer fits)?

Are there any labels you would like to add? Anything that you would like use to define yourself?

Here is an example of how powerful it can be when someone else labels us:

Let’s say you have always wanted to sing, but in junior high your choir teacher said that while you had a nice voice, you really weren’t able to project it. So you probably would never be a professional singer. So the label you put on yourself was that you had a soft voice and probably shouldn’t sing in public. Years go by and the love for singing is still inside of you – you receive support from friends and family urging you to use your voice and sing out. But that darn label is still there.

But… what if you created a new label for yourself? What if you said that you were a singer? There is no judgement in this word alone. It just is. You could then embrace that label and do what singers do: sing!

You can also create labels for yourself that you grow out of.

And when that happens, it’s hard to let it go because you have become defined by this label – it is part of you.

What if you loved Chinese food. It was your favorite food ever. And then one day, it didn’t taste as good to you anymore. And you kept eating it because you had labeled yourself as someone who liked Chinese food. And you had created a life around this label – you would go eat it with friends every week, you would cook it for yourself at home. It was a comfortable identity – but it was no longer serving you because you realized that you no longer loved it like you used to.

This is a funny example, but you could take out “Chinese food” and replace it with any part of your life that no longer feels like “you.” And if you do decide to relabel yourself as someone who no longer loves Chinese food – there may be friction. Your friends will no longer get to see you weekly at the restaurant. They may feel hurt and wonder why you are choosing to not be there. They may take it personally instead of realizing that you simply don’t like the food anymore. But you know that it’s simply because you no longer like this type of food. And why would you put a label on yourself that no longer fit?

Continuing to look into the labels we create for ourselves is part of self growth.

If a label is no longer serving you – if it no longer represents who you are or who you would like to become – than replace it with one that does.

“But I always have been that.”

“But everyone expects me to be that.”

aren’t reasons to continue being someone that you no longer are.

This isn’t an easy process, but it’s so worthwhile to go through.

It’s part of becoming conscious and truly being aware of how we define ourselves.

The first step is realizing our labels.

The second step is making sure that each label fits who we are and want to become.

Living a conscious life is a lifelong practice that takes some work – but it’s so worth it!

Where Do YOU Fit In?

Posted on March 3, 2011 by admin

Life is busy – that’s just the way it is.

We all have so many things to do – so much to keep track of on a daily basis. Many of us tend to be overscheduled, overworked, and overexhausted. We’re just trying to make it all work – make sure we keep up with everything – make sure things don’t unravel.

In a perfect world, there would be a 25th hour every day just so we could rest, take care of ourselves, rejuvenate, relax, and unwind.

But that’s not obviously not going to happen.

This may seem counterintuitive, but taking time for ourselves each day will actually free up more time. It’s true!

When we don’t put fuel in our own tanks, we run around on just fumes – which will eventually run out. By simply taking some time each day to refuel, we will have so much more energy for our family, our job, and our daily lives than before.

Don’t you feel so much better after you pamper yourself a little bit – read a book, watch your favorite show, meditate, exercise, take a long bath, etc.?

We forget sometimes that we are the most important part of any “to do” list. If we aren’t recharged, the list has no chance of getting checked off anyway!

Take some time today to write a Self Care List.

List all of the wonderful things that you can do to pamper yourself.

It can range from small things (such as baking your favorite cookies and eating them while reading a great book) to large things (such as taking a beach trip for a weekend of relaxation).

Once you have your list, put it up somewhere where you will see it frequently. And make sure to do at least one thing on your list each day. Even if it’s just for a few minutes.

I promise you will feel so much better – more recharged – and better able to be an active, vibrant participant in your own life.

You matter!

New Month – Fresh Start

Posted on March 2, 2011 by admin

Happy March!

I love the first day of a new month! We get to start over again. If our last month wasn’t the greatest, we can put that behind us and start again. If our last month was great – we can make this one more of the same (and even greater). I love that the possibilities are truly endless. March is an especially great month for new beginnings because Spring is just a few weeks away – new life, new growth, a new freshness starts to fill the air.

It’s completely natural in winter for us to hunker down and take more time than we usually do to go within and really think about where we want our life to go. We tend to spend extra time journaling, pondering, and organizing (both our thoughts and feelings and also our material possessions). We declutter, make warm meals, and cozy up with our loved ones in the comfort of our homes. We build our own cocoons of comfort.

And now that March is here, we can start thinking about taking all that we have learned about ourselves through the winter and begin to emerge. Begin to break out of our comfort zone – begin to show the world our most authentic self. This is such a wonderful time full of so many possibilities!

Today you may want to take some time to think about if there is any part of you that wants to emerge. Is there any part of you who has been living in a comfortable place but perhaps wants to push the boundaries and risk a bit to live an even more authentic life?

It’s a beautiful day here in southern Oregon – a perfect time to realize that spring and new beginnings are just around the corner!

Journaling Within – Describe Yourself

Posted on February 27, 2011 by admin

I thought it would be fun to post questions/writing prompts from our Soulful Journals from time to time.

A question from our Journaling Within book is up first!

If you had to describe yourself to someone,

what words would you use?

Really take some time to think about this and then write what words come up.

If you would like to take it a step further, write about how you feel about these words.

Did any surprise you?

Are there any that you are proud of?

Are there any that you would like to change?

Would you want to be friends with someone who had these traits?

Have fun getting to know yourself – that’s what it’s all about!

Who Are You Living For?

Posted on February 24, 2011 by admin

This is a really important (and sometimes really hard) question to answer.

In an ideal world, we are living for ourselves and only doing things that make us feel great and are on our authentic path.

But…it doesn’t always work this way. It’s normal to want to please others. It’s normal to want to be liked. But ask yourself at what expense are you willing to sacrifice your own wants and desires to fit in.

Think of how you live and the decisions you have made and continue to make.

Are you making them based on what you think people will want or expect you to do?

Are you making them because someone else’s voice (a parent, a spouse, a friend) is inside of you directing how you live?

Are you making them because you don’t want to upset anyone?

Are you making them because that’s how you’ve always done it?

And now think about how you want to live. The answers are always within us if we just take the time to listen.
As the answers come to you, write them down. And as you write them down, make sure that it is your authentic voice coming up with the answers. This is an exercise that you can keep coming back to with every part of your life – every decision, every action you make, every second of how you live your day.

Make sure you are living YOUR life – whatever that means for YOU.

There may be friction…

Sometimes when you start coming into your own power – your own authentic self – the self you know you were meant to be – friction occurs with those around you. When someone we love changes, it can sometimes be seen as threatening. It can bring up emotions, fears, and questions about our own life. This is why so many people resist it and why so many of us live lives that we know aren’t our best lives – comfortable, “I’m not rocking the boat” lives. And through this process of finding your own voice, you may have to let go of the voices you have carried within you – and this may mean letting go just in your mind or letting go of that person in reality as well.

Sometimes the perceived friction is only in our heads…

We all know how active our imaginations can be. When we are consciously deciding to live our best lives, we can start imagining how rocking the boat will lead to anger, disconnect, and complete withdrawal from those we love. We just know they won’t support us or understand this new person we are becoming. We get ourselves all worked up just thinking about showing them our authentic self. We are so afraid we won’t be accepted. And sometimes we aren’t. But more often than not, our loved ones completely support us and are completely okay with our changes. And we wonder why we were so worked up about it in the first place.

Showing ourselves and the world who we really are can be a scary, vulnerable place. But it can also be an empowering place. You get to be you – fully you.

If we stay conscious and continue to examine each moment of how we live, we will learn more and more about ourselves and get closer to living our authentic life.

Now that’s worth living for!

What Do You Deserve?

Posted on February 23, 2011 by admin

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post where I talked about how we create our life with our thoughts. In this post I focus on our beliefs about our own worth.

What you deserve and what you think you deserve sometimes have completely different answers.

It all comes down to our thoughts, our beliefs about ourselves, and our self worth.

To give an example – imagine you are looking for a life partner. All you have ever wanted in life is to find someone who loves you for you – who appreciates you – who cares about you – and who would give anything to be with you. You know you deserve this.

And yet…the partners you actually end up with are afraid of commitment, treat you horribly, don’t appreciate you, and don’t care about you.

How does this keep happening to you?

It happens because we attract to us what we think we deserve – not what we actually deserve.

In the example above, somewhere along the way you created a belief system about what you thought you were worth. And most likely this was an unconscious belief that started as a result of things you were told when you were young.

Once you become aware of your beliefs about your own self worth, you can begin to make changes. You can start saying affirmations letting yourself know that you are worth so much more than you are settling for. You can surround yourself with loving friends who build you up and love you unconditionally. You can learn to love yourself – possibly for the first time in your life.

And then you can start journaling about the person that you want to attract into your life – the person you know you deserve to be with.

Our thoughts and self worth attract the life we live. And this applies to relationships, work, money, friends – everything in our life!

Let’s all attract into our lives what we actually deserve – knowing that we are worth it.

What Are You Thinking?

Posted on February 22, 2011 by admin

Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions. – Einstein

This is one of my favorite quotes because it’s so true.

We all have active imaginations, and we are all thinking a million thoughts each day – many of which we aren’t even aware of. Have you ever had someone ask you what you were thinking and realized that it was hard to put it into words because either 1.) you were thinking many different things at the same time or 2) you are so used to being on auto pilot that you had absolutely no idea.

Regardless of whether you are conscious of your thoughts or not, you are creating your present life with them.

And this can either be a very positive thing or it can be a not-so-good thing. You get to decide.

Think about how you see yourself and what you believe you are worth and how you deserve to live. Think about the messages that you tell yourself when something goes right in your life – are you excited and pat yourself on the back or are you doubtful that you deserve this wonderful thing and keep waiting for it to be taken away. Do you embrace the good or try to sabotage yourself somehow?

Keep in mind that you may have to do a little digging here to find out what your thought patterns are – you have had a lifetime of setting up unconscious habits for how you think about everything. The first step in changing your thoughts is to recognize what they are.

I believe that what we think about today becomes our life tomorrow. If you think that you will never be able to live your dream life, than you won’t. If you truly believe that you will be happy and live the life you were meant to live – you will.

It’s that simple. (Sort of.)

Once you realize that your thoughts become your reality, you need to make a choice to become more conscious and aware of what you are thinking. That way when a negative thought pattern appears, you can recognize it and change it immediately to a positive thought – which (if done enough) will create a new pattern.

This takes a lot of practice, and I am still getting the hang of it. I am in the awareness stage where I am learning to harness my thoughts and make sure they are the thoughts that I want to be thinking to create the life that I want to live.

If this is a new concept for you, just take some time to sit with it. Maybe for one day, try to be aware of your thoughts. You can even write some of them down. It may be very eye opening to read in black and white what you spend your time focusing on and thinking about. This is the first step.

And the worst thing that can happen by changing any negative thoughts into positive ones is that you will be a much happier person.

And you’re definitely worth it!

What’s Your Type?

Posted on February 21, 2011 by admin

Studying personality types has always been fascinating to me.

There are so many different ways that we can each react to a single situation – just based on how we view the world and how we are wired.

Many years ago, Dan introduced me to The Enneagram System. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s a system based on nine personality types – and no type is better than another. Just by learning my own type, I am able to better understand myself and how I see the world. I can also understand those around me so much better because I know what type they are and what that means for how they view things around them.

If this is the first time you’ve heard about this system, I would definitely recommend taking the test before you read on. Then when you have a better understanding of which number you are, come back and read on to learn more about the various types.

click here to take a free Enneagram test

The Enneagram system

The Enneagram is a personality typing system that consists of nine different types. Everyone is considered to be one single type, although one can have traits belonging to other ones. While it’s uncertain whether this type is genetically determined, many believe it is already in place at birth.

The nine types (or “enneatypes”, “ennea” means “nine”) are universally identified by the numbers 1 to 9. These numbers have a standard way of being placed around the Enneagram symbol. Enneagram authors have attached their own individual names to these numbers. On this site the type names by authors Riso and Hudson are used. They are:

People of a particular type have several characteristics in common, but they can be quite different nevertheless. It depends among other things on their level of mental health. Unhealthy (neurotic) people from a particular type can look quite different from healthy ones. Riso and Hudson distinguish 9 levels of mental health (see their book Personality Types) and have type descriptions for each level of each enneagram type.

Wings

Usually one has characteristics of one of the types that lie adjacent to one’s own that are more prominent. This is called the wing. So someone who is a type 5, might have a 4 wing or a 6 wing. This may be abbreviated to “5w4” and “5w6”. If one doesn’t have a dominant wing, it is said that the wings are balanced.

To find out which Enneagram type you are, see which description fits you most, or do the free Enneagram Test on this site.

Enneagram type descriptions

Type 1 – The Reformer

Perfectionists, responsible, fixated on improvement

Ones are essentially looking to make things better, as they think nothing is ever quite good enough. This makes them perfectionists who want to reform and improve, who desire to make order out of the omnipresent chaos. Read more – enneagram type 1

Type 2 – The Helper

Helpers who need to be needed

Twos essentially feel that they are worthy insofar as they are helpful to others. Love is their highest ideal. Selflessness is their duty. Giving to others is their reason for being. Involved, socially aware, usually extroverted, Twos are the type of people who remember everyone’s birthday and who go the extra mile to help out a co-worker, spouse or friend in need. Read more – enneagram type 2

Type 3 – The Achiever

Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation

Threes need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the “sexiest” woman in their social circle. Read more – enneagram type 3

Type 4 – The Individualist

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different

Fours build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. They tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse – a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow “common,” and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Read more – enneagram type 4

Type 5 – The Investigator

Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe

Fives essentially fear that they don’t have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable and at home in the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest. Read more – enneagram type 5

Type 6 – The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrust

Sixes essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. Sixes don’t trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. Read more – enneagram type 6

Type 7 – The Enthusiast

Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction

Sevens are essentially concerned that their lives be an exciting adventure. They are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. Read more – enneagram type 7

Type 8 – The Challenger

Taking charge, because they don’t want to be controlled

Eights are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. Read more – enneagram type 8

Type 9 – The Peacemaker

Keeping peace and harmony

Nines essentially feel a need for peace and harmony. They tend to avoid conflict at all costs, whether it be internal or interpersonal. As the potential for conflict in life is virtually ubiquitous, the Nine’s desire to avoid it generally results in some degree of withdrawal from life, and many Nines are, in fact, introverted. Other Nines lead more active, social lives, but nevertheless remain to some to degree “checked out,” or not fully involved, as if to insulate themselves from threats to their peace of mind. Read more – enneagram type 9

Thank you to Eclectic Energies and The Enneagram Institute for providing this helpful information.

Please be sure to check out their websites if you would like to explore this further.

Please keep in mind that this is just an introduction to this system. If you would like to delve more into it, there are many great books and courses on it.

Feel free to post your types below – it’s a great way for us to get to know each other better!

Have fun exploring and learning more about yourself!

P.S. – I am a 1. 🙂

Saying Goodbye So You Can Say Hello

Posted on February 18, 2011 by admin

Sometimes in life we have to make tough choices if we want to grow and live the life we know we are meant to live. We may have to give up a part of ourselves that we have grown comfortable with, even if we know that it isn’t the self we want to bring on our journey.

I was watching Peter Walsh’s decluttering show the other day on the OWN Network, and I love his approach to physical clutter. He first has you create a vision for your room. Then you only bring in the things that reflect that vision. Everything else has to go. I was thinking that this system could also be applied to mental and emotional clutter.

Let’s try this exercise together:

Think of the person you strive to be: your best self.

Now create a vision for this new self.

How do you look (e.g., peaceful, radiant, rested)

What do you think about (e.g., the present moment, happy and positive things)?

What kind of friends do you surround yourself with (e.g., supportive, nurturing)?

How do you spend your days (e.g., reflecting, laughing)

What else can you visualize about this new self?

Take some time with this and get as specific as you can.

Write it all down, and then hang it up where you will see it frequently.

Once you are clear on your vision, you can start the process of decluttering all of the emotions, thoughts, activities, friends, etc. that no longer fit into your current vision.

This can be a painful process, and change can be hard.

If you keep your vision at the forefront, though, and remind yourself that in order to grow into the person you know you can be, you will need to let go of the person you have become. (At least parts of you.)

It’s your rebirth – and it’s a beautiful thing!

Goodbye to you.

And hello to you.