Category Archives: self improvement

The Passing of Energy

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I was reading last night about how energy is contagious – just like the common cold. 
And while we take many precautions to protect ourselves from getting sick when we come in contact with others (such as washing our hands), we don’t always take precautions to protect ourselves from taking on other people’s energy. 
And this passing along of energy works in both ways – positive and negative. 
The Passing of Energy
Example 1:
Imagine that you have plans to spend the day with your best friend, but you really just aren’t in the mood to go because you have been feeling pretty down. You decide to go anyway and just by being around your positive, bubbly, fun friend – you start to feel better. You start to forget why you felt down in the first place. You go home feeling energized, happy, and full of life.
Example 2:
Now imagine that you were in a wonderful mood when you went to work this morning. You ate a hearty breakfast, your favorite song was playing on the radio, you parked in the closest parking space, the sun was shining when you walked into your office. All signs pointed to it being a great day!
And just as you sat down at your desk, a coworker with a dark cloud over their head approached you and started going into all of the reasons why their life is so terrible. Their relationship is on the rocks, they don’t feel well, they hate their job, they hate sunny days, they can’t stand their life. And they go on and on until the boss walks in at which point they go back to their desk. 
And you sit at your desk and feel like you were just hit by a truck. The great mood that you were in just a few minutes ago feels so far away. You just feel crappy and wish you hadn’t even had come into work today. 
Energy is contagious. But just like we protect ourselves from getting sick, we can also protect ourselves from taking on other people’s energy.
Many years ago I was introduced to a wonderful concept that truly helps me in my everyday life. It’s so simple but also so effective, especially for those of us who are especially sensitive to all of the energy around us.
Before you go out into the world each day, 
surround yourself with an imaginary protective shield. 
This shield protects you from taking on other people’s energy. Continue to imagine this protection throughout your day – especially when you come in contact with someone with a toxic energy. (You’ll feel it and sense it immediately.) 
Because you have this shield up, you will only let in the energy that feels right for you. You will also be able to differentiate between what is your energy and what is someone else’s that you have accidentally taken on. 
When I was just learning about this concept and testing it out, a friend of mine came over for a few minutes. She mentioned that she had a headache and was starting to feel sick. Right after she left, I couldn’t seem to shake a headache and sore throat. I told myself that I had taken on her energy and it didn’t serve me at all. There was no reason for me to be feeling this way. The moment I recognized that it wasn’t mine, it went away. 
I am now extra careful about putting up my shield whenever I am going to be around people – especially a large group. 
It has worked wonders for me, and I think it will for you as well.

Take the Compliment, Darn It!

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Have you ever received a compliment and gotten flustered 
because you weren’t sure how to respond? 
Your mind starts whirling with questions: 
Did you deserve such a nice compliment? 
Would you seem too full of yourself if you agreed? 
Should you simply look away and say a quick thank you and then change the subject?
Now imagine how you feel when you give someone a compliment. They did something very well, and you want to let them know that you recognized it. So you tell them, and they immediately deflect it or dismiss it or ignore it. How does this make you feel? I bet it hits you right in your gut and makes you sad. It probably feels like you gave them a gift that they immediately sent back. And you’ll think twice before you compliment them again. 
And this is how your loved ones feel when they compliment you. 
The next time someone compliments you, remember that it’s okay to own it. 
It’s okay to think that you deserve this praise. 
It’s okay to feel great about yourself.
It’s okay to feel great about your accomplishments and wonderful traits. 
It’s actually better than okay.
It’s important and great and wonderful and completely necessary. 
This is a hard lesson and might not come easily to some of us – me included. 
After receiving some recent press for our business, we’ve had the completely foreign experience of being recognized several times in our daily lives. It’s something that I hadn’t prepared for and takes some getting used to. Seeing yourself through the eyes of others is a great lesson – being told that we have inspired them is wonderful to hear, especially if we can learn to own it instead of deflect it. This is what it’s all about for us. We love helping people, and we are thrilled that our books are doing just that.
So I’ll continue to work on being able to fully receive the love that you all are giving us.
And the next time someone asks me to sign their book, I promise I won’t get all flustered. I will simply thank them and sign it.
And hopefully you can do the same in your own life. The next time someone gives you a compliment, simply accept it, smile, and say “thank you.”

The Power of Labels

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Have you ever had a moment where you wanted to change in some way, but you didn’t because it seemed too crazy, too out of the box, too “not you”?
The labels we give ourselves are really powerful. 
They can define us – and this can be empowering or stifling depending on where the label came from (our higher self or our comfort zone). If your higher self created the label, then you know it’s something great that you either currently embody or you can strive for. If you create labels for yourself from a point of low self esteem, comfort, or because you think you should – then they can hinder your growth and box you in to a life of comfort and stagnation. 
I recently took a look at what labels I give myself – both professionally and personally. 
I have been designing, writing, and making journals for over six years. Our business completely supports us, and I am comfortable calling myself an entrepreneur, a designer, and a creative spirit. But for some reason I had some blocks with calling myself a writer and an artist. For me, these words were powerful and I had to step back and think if I could truly embody these labels. 
It’s so funny to realize this – the power of words is so strong! 
I AM a writer and I AM an artist. 
I can choose to create these labels for myself and fully embrace them. 
Look at your own life. 

What labels do you use to define yourself? 
What labels do others use to define you?
Take some time today to write down these labels.

You could write: mother, friend, good cook, likes Chinese food, sensitive, artist, computer savvy, deep thinker, seeker, spiritual, nag, dependent, emotional, etc. 

Write down every word you can think of that you would use to describe yourself. 

Next, take a look and see if it truly describes the person that you want to be – your best self. If it doesn’t, get rid of it. Think about where each label came from. Is it something that you created for yourself or something that someone gave you that never seemed to fit (or no longer fits)?

Are there any labels you would like to add? Anything that you would like use to define yourself?
Here is an example of how powerful it can be when someone else labels us:
Let’s say you have always wanted to sing, but in junior high your choir teacher said that while you had a nice voice, you really weren’t able to project it. So you probably would never be a professional singer. So the label you put on yourself was that you had a soft voice and probably shouldn’t sing in public. Years go by and the love for singing is still inside of you – you receive support from friends and family urging you to use your voice and sing out. But that darn label is still there.

But… what if you created a new label for yourself? What if you said that you were a singer? There is no judgement in this word alone. It just is. You could then embrace that label and do what singers do: sing!
You can also create labels for yourself that you grow out of. 
And when that happens, it’s hard to let it go because you have become defined by this label – it is part of you.
What if you loved Chinese food. It was your favorite food ever. And then one day, it didn’t taste as good to you anymore. And you kept eating it because you had labeled yourself as someone who liked Chinese food. And you had created a life around this label – you would go eat it with friends every week, you would cook it for yourself at home. It was a comfortable identity – but it was no longer serving you because you realized that you no longer loved it like you used to. 
This is a funny example, but you could take out “Chinese food” and replace it with any part of your life that no longer feels like “you.” And if you do decide to relabel yourself as someone who no longer loves Chinese food – there may be friction. Your friends will no longer get to see you weekly at the restaurant. They may feel hurt and wonder why you are choosing to not be there. They may take it personally instead of realizing that you simply don’t like the food anymore. But you know that it’s simply because you no longer like this type of food. And why would you put a label on yourself that no longer fit?
Continuing to look into the labels we create for ourselves is part of self growth. 
If a label is no longer serving you – if it no longer represents who you are or who you would like to become – than replace it with one that does. 
“But I always have been that.”
or
“But everyone expects me to be that.” 
aren’t reasons to continue being someone that you no longer are. 
This isn’t an easy process, but it’s so worthwhile to go through. 
It’s part of becoming conscious and truly being aware of how we define ourselves. 
The first step is realizing our labels. 
The second step is making sure that each label fits who we are and want to become.
Living a conscious life is a lifelong practice that takes some work – but it’s so worth it!

Saturday Selection – A Fun Game!

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Many years ago, Dan and I were shopping at our favorite thrift store and came across a game that looked really interesting. I believe that things come into our lives when we are ready to receive them, and this was just what we needed then. We were at a crossroads – we were both teaching and felt that we had gotten off our path somehow. We were in a period of transition and transformation – what should our next move be? When we saw this game for $1.99 (brand new), we knew it was ours. 
Transformation Game
It’s called The Transformation Game, and it’s an amazing tool for looking within and figuring out where you are stuck in different areas of your life. Before you begin, you think about a question or thought that you want to focus on. You then play on different levels: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – and each level has insights, setbacks, angel cards, pain, and service. How long you are on the level depends on whether you have any blocks there with regard to your playing focus. 
Here is the description from the creators’ website:

Sometimes life is filled with blessings, insights, and a heart-felt sense of connection with people around us. Other times we stumble through a series of setbacks, accumulating pain, even falling into depression; and nothing we try seems to help us get out of it. Sometimes someone unexpectedly appreciates us or offers to serve us – or we reach out to help another. Sometimes miracles happen, pain is lifted, new directions open up, and the seemingly impossible occurs.


Just as life is filled with this rich variety of experience, so is the Transformation Game®, a fun and complex board game which offers a playful yet substantial way of understanding and transforming key issues in your life. It can be played at varying levels of intensity, from a light-hearted way of gaining insight into yourself, to a tool to help solve problems, clarify important personal issues, or creatively enhance relationships.


We have played many times over the years, and each time brings us clarity and focus. 
I definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to dive in and learn more about themselves.

Keep Dreaming!

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Do you ever wake up from a dream that felt so vivid, so real, and so powerful? 
Do you ever feel like it was trying to tell you something – a message from your soul? 
Have you ever experienced a dream that turned out to be a premonition?

There are all kinds of dreams – some are merely a processing of the previous day’s events – strewn together in a fun way that only our subconscious can do. And some are more meaningful – these are the ones that you can’t seem to shake from your mind when you wake up. They are so vivid and keep coming back to you throughout the day.

These are the dreams that I would suggest you pay close attention to. I believe that these dreams are your soul’s way of communicating what we need to be focusing on. These are messages directly from your soul – maybe giving you clarity on a path to take, a relationship to either end or begin, or giving us direction for our life’s purpose.

You’ll know this kind of dream when it happens.
You’ll feel it beckoning you to pay attention 
and to go within to decipher the message. 

You may want to start a dream journal. Before you go to sleep at night, tell yourself that you’re going to remember your dreams when you wake up. Then before you even get out of bed in the morning, grab your journal and pen and start writing. You’ll be amazed at how much you can remember on most mornings. And if nothing comes to you, that’s okay, too. You can still take that time to write – enjoy this moment when you are still in a half asleep state – when maybe your ego is still sleeping and you can really get to the heart of your emotions without censoring them.

Dreams are an amazing tool to allow us to go within and see what our subconscious is up to. It’s a wonderful way to see what our highest self wants us to know. And once you get the hang of remembering your dreams, you can take it a step further and start asking your highest self questions that you would like answered in your dreams. You always have the answers – and dreams are just another tool to help you find them.

The Importance of Following Through

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If you’re anything like me, your head is usually spinning with lots of ideas, you have started many wonderful projects, and you feel scattered and overwhelmed at times at the prospect of finishing them all. 
Because we are currently restructuring our business, I have had a lot of time to really think about how I work – what tends to happen – and how I can be more efficient and finish all of these fun projects.
Following Through
And while thinking about and talking to each other about all of this, Dan and I realized that it’s not so much the actual projects or goals that are the issue here – it’s really about keeping our word to ourselves – following through and finishing what we started. Because each time we do this, we are building up our self esteem – we are creating a habit for ourselves where in the future we will just assume that we will finish any project we start because that’s what we do. We know that we will keep our word both to ourselves and to others because we will have a proven track record of doing so. 
Creating a Habit
I started this blog exactly three weeks ago with the intent to post every day. In the past, blogging was one of the many projects I wanted to start and had every intention of keeping up with but seemed to get put into the pile of unfinished projects. This time it’s different though. I really feel that I have found my niche, and I am committed to following through and keeping my word to myself. A habit is formed after three weeks of performing it regularly – so yay! I now have created a blogging habit. And a wonderful bonus is that I get to write everyday and create this wonderful community with all of you!
Holding Yourself Accountable
Many of us make resolutions each January only to give them up by February. And this can really do a number on our self esteem. We will start to question whether we are truly able to keep our word at all. When future goals come up, we will wonder if we should even commit to anything given our past track record of not following through. This can be extremely detrimental to our own well being, which is why keeping our word to ourself is so crucial. 
In our Commitment Book, we created a simple system that holds each of us accountable for keeping our word. We emphasize that the goal itself isn’t as important as following through on it – it’s just an added bonus.
We suggest to start really small with your first goal – something that you know you can succeed at. That way you will be creating a habit and building yourself up to where you know you will be able to complete any goal you set for yourself in the future. 
Good ideas are only that without following through and
committing to making them happen. 
Create the habit one goal/project at a time, and you’ll truly be amazed at how good you feel about yourself – and imagine how much lighter you will feel when all of these unfinished projects that have been taking up space in your mind and home are completed!
What do you want to commit to today?

Where Do YOU Fit In?

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Life is busy – that’s just the way it is. 
We all have so many things to do – so much to keep track of on a daily basis. Many of us tend to be overscheduled, overworked, and overexhausted. We’re just trying to make it all work – make sure we keep up with everything – make sure things don’t unravel. 
In a perfect world, there would be a 25th hour every day just so we could rest, take care of ourselves, rejuvenate, relax, and unwind.
But that’s not obviously not going to happen.
This may seem counterintuitive, but taking time for ourselves each day will actually free up more time. It’s true!
When we don’t put fuel in our own tanks, we run around on just fumes – which will eventually run out. By simply taking some time each day to refuel, we will have so much more energy for our family, our job, and our daily lives than before. 
Don’t you feel so much better after you pamper yourself a little bit – read a book, watch your favorite show, meditate, exercise, take a long bath, etc.? 
We forget sometimes that we are the most important part of any “to do” list. If we aren’t recharged, the list has no chance of getting checked off anyway! 

Take some time today to write a Self Care List. 

List all of the wonderful things that you can do to pamper yourself. 
It can range from small things (such as baking your favorite cookies and eating them while reading a great book) to large things (such as taking a beach trip for a weekend of relaxation).
Once you have your list, put it up somewhere where you will see it frequently. And make sure to do at least one thing on your list each day. Even if it’s just for a few minutes.
I promise you will feel so much better – more recharged – and better able to be an active, vibrant participant in your own life. 
You matter!

Who Are You Living For?

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This is a really important (and sometimes really hard) question to answer. 
In an ideal world, we are living for ourselves and only doing things that make us feel great and are on our authentic path.

But…it doesn’t always work this way. It’s normal to want to please others. It’s normal to want to be liked. But ask yourself at what expense are you willing to sacrifice your own wants and desires to fit in. 
Think of how you live and the decisions you have made and continue to make. 
Are you making them based on what you think people will want or expect you to do? 
Are you making them because someone else’s voice (a parent, a spouse, a friend) is inside of you directing how you live? 
Are you making them because you don’t want to upset anyone? 
Are you making them because that’s how you’ve always done it?

And now think about how you want to live. The answers are always within us if we just take the time to listen.
As the answers come to you, write them down. And as you write them down, make sure that it is your authentic voice coming up with the answers. This is an exercise that you can keep coming back to with every part of your life – every decision, every action you make, every second of how you live your day.

Make sure you are living YOUR life – whatever that means for YOU. 
There may be friction…
Sometimes when you start coming into your own power – your own authentic self – the self you know you were meant to be – friction occurs with those around you. When someone we love changes, it can sometimes be seen as threatening. It can bring up emotions, fears, and questions about our own life. This is why so many people resist it and why so many of us live lives that we know aren’t our best lives – comfortable, “I’m not rocking the boat” lives. And through this process of finding your own voice, you may have to let go of the voices you have carried within you – and this may mean letting go just in your mind or letting go of that person in reality as well.
Sometimes the perceived friction is only in our heads…
We all know how active our imaginations can be. When we are consciously deciding to live our best lives, we can start imagining how rocking the boat will lead to anger, disconnect, and complete withdrawal from those we love. We just know they won’t support us or understand this new person we are becoming. We get ourselves all worked up just thinking about showing them our authentic self. We are so afraid we won’t be accepted. And sometimes we aren’t. But more often than not, our loved ones completely support us and are completely okay with our changes. And we wonder why we were so worked up about it in the first place.  

Showing ourselves and the world who we really are can be a scary, vulnerable place. But it can also be an empowering place. You get to be you – fully you.

If we stay conscious and continue to examine each moment of how we live, we will learn more and more about ourselves and get closer to living our authentic life.

Now that’s worth living for!

What’s Your Type?

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Studying personality types has always been fascinating to me.

There are so many different ways that we can each react to a single situation – just based on how we view the world and how we are wired. 


click here to take a free Enneagram test

The Enneagram system

The Enneagram is a personality typing system that consists of nine different types. Everyone is considered to be one single type, although one can have traits belonging to other ones. While it’s uncertain whether this type is genetically determined, many believe it is already in place at birth.
The nine types (or “enneatypes”, “ennea” means “nine”) are universally identified by the numbers 1 to 9. These numbers have a standard way of being placed around the Enneagram symbol. Enneagram authors have attached their own individual names to these numbers. On this site the type names by authors Riso and Hudson are used. They are:
Enneagram
1. The Reformer
2. The Helper
3. The Achiever
4. The Individualist
5. The Investigator
6. The Loyalist
7. The Enthusiast
8. The Challenger
9. The Peacemaker
People of a particular type have several characteristics in common, but they can be quite different nevertheless. It depends among other things on their level of mental health. Unhealthy (neurotic) people from a particular type can look quite different from healthy ones. Riso and Hudson distinguish 9 levels of mental health (see their book Personality Types) and have type descriptions for each level of each enneagram type.

Wings

Usually one has characteristics of one of the types that lie adjacent to one’s own that are more prominent. This is called the wing. So someone who is a type 5, might have a 4 wing or a 6 wing. This may be abbreviated to “5w4” and “5w6”. If one doesn’t have a dominant wing, it is said that the wings are balanced.
To find out which Enneagram type you are, see which description fits you most, or do the free Enneagram Test on this site.

Enneagram type descriptions

Type 1 – The Reformer

Perfectionists, responsible, fixated on improvement
Ones are essentially looking to make things better, as they think nothing is ever quite good enough. This makes them perfectionists who want to reform and improve, who desire to make order out of the omnipresent chaos. Read more – enneagram type 1

Type 2 – The Helper

Helpers who need to be needed
Twos essentially feel that they are worthy insofar as they are helpful to others. Love is their highest ideal. Selflessness is their duty. Giving to others is their reason for being. Involved, socially aware, usually extroverted, Twos are the type of people who remember everyone’s birthday and who go the extra mile to help out a co-worker, spouse or friend in need. Read more – enneagram type 2

Type 3 – The Achiever

Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation
Threes need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the “sexiest” woman in their social circle. Read more – enneagram type 3

Type 4 – The Individualist

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different
Fours build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. They tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse – a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow “common,” and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Read more – enneagram type 4

Type 5 – The Investigator

Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe
Fives essentially fear that they don’t have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable and at home in the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest. Read more – enneagram type 5

Type 6 – The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrust
Sixes essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. Sixes don’t trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. Read more – enneagram type 6

Type 7 – The Enthusiast

Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction
Sevens are essentially concerned that their lives be an exciting adventure. They are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. Read more – enneagram type 7

Type 8 – The Challenger

Taking charge, because they don’t want to be controlled
Eights are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. Read more – enneagram type 8

Type 9 – The Peacemaker

Keeping peace and harmony
Nines essentially feel a need for peace and harmony. They tend to avoid conflict at all costs, whether it be internal or interpersonal. As the potential for conflict in life is virtually ubiquitous, the Nine’s desire to avoid it generally results in some degree of withdrawal from life, and many Nines are, in fact, introverted. Other Nines lead more active, social lives, but nevertheless remain to some to degree “checked out,” or not fully involved, as if to insulate themselves from threats to their peace of mind. Read more – enneagram type 9

Thank you to Eclectic Energies and The Enneagram Institute for providing this helpful information. 
Please be sure to check out their websites if you would like to explore this further. 
Please keep in mind that this is just an introduction to this system. If you would like to delve more into it, there are many great books and courses on it. 
Feel free to post your types below – it’s a great way for us to get to know each other better! 
Have fun exploring and learning more about yourself!
P.S. – I am a 1. 🙂

Being Able to Roll With the Changes

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Change is inevitable. 

If you are a planner and like to be in control, this can be an unsettling fact. But if you can learn to roll with and embrace change, it can truly be seen as a welcome and much needed adjustment to your life when it appears.

We are going through some pretty major changes with our business, and I have to keep reminding myself that change is a good thing – knowing that without it we wouldn’t grow, learn lessons, or expand our horizons.

Our changes involve moving more toward our passion of writing and helping others – and away from anything that doesn’t fit into that vision.

This means that I am in the process of saying goodbye to a lot of products that have been with us for years. They have become old friends – and I have been very grateful to each of them.

Saying goodbye to them, though, means that I will clear up space in my studio (and my mind) for what I am truly passionate about – which is very exciting!

So if you, too, are going through a transition in your life – it might be a good idea to take a step back and write about your thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams regarding where you see your life going. Take some time to explore any feelings of uncertainty and unsettledness. It is completely normal to feel this way. It may also be helpful to write how your life will look after you have gone through this transition and are living your new life. This will be a great motivator for you to push through and not turn back because it feels uncomfortable.

Change is good for us – it helps us become our best selves.

And that is a great thing.