Do You Like Me?

Posted on July 12, 2011 by admin

We all want to be loved.
We all want to be liked.
We all want to fit in.
We all want to be understood.

We just do.

We are social beings.
We thrive in groups.
We live in tribes.
We have leaders and followers and pecking orders
and those at the top and those at the bottom.

And because of this innate dynamic, we tend to look to each other for support. We frequently look to each other for approval. This is completely normal and completely okay.

We’re not supposed to go it alone on our journey. It’s good to have your tribe surrounding you and supporting you.

It gets tricky though when you stop being yourself because you’re afraid you won’t be liked.

We have to be careful of changing our actions solely because we are seeking approval.

So instead of living your life by asking:
Do you like me?

How about asking:

Do I like me?

If you can approve of yourself first before seeking approval from others, their love will just be icing on the cake.

If you are constantly looking for others to build you up and like you, you’ll be forever looking outside of yourself for love. You will never be content. It will become an addiction, and you will always be looking for your next “approval fix.”

Frequently we don’t even realize that we are seeking approval – especially if we are living our lives on auto pilot – just going through the motions without really thinking about them at all.

When you get dressed in the morning – do you look in the mirror and strut your stuff knowing that you look great? Or do you wait for your loved ones to tell you how great you look before accepting it as truth?

When you write a post, create a product, lose some weight, dance in your recital, show your paintings at an exhibit, etc… do you approve of yourself before the external approval starts coming in?

External love and approval is wonderful. It feels great, and it boosts us up.
Internal approval and love is even more powerful.
It gives you grounding and a foundation.
It gives you life.

If you are wondering if you are an approval junkie, staying conscious of what your motivation is for doing things is a great place to start. Are you doing something because you truly want to and it makes you happy, or are you doing it because you want to be accepted and liked and approved of?

If we love and approve of ourselves, it will truly matter a whole lot less what others think.
And while I’m not saying that it won’t matter at all or shouldn’t matter at all, knowing that you are living your own life will feel so great that you will start to care less and less whether you are approved of.

And we all know that our true friends will accept us no matter what anyway.

So get out there and live your life!
If you want to write, write!
If you want to paint, paint!

If you want to wear spandex, go for it!

If you want to dye your hair, have at it!

Your love and approval is all that truly matters.

Your Sacred Gifts

Posted on July 6, 2011 by admin

We all have so much to offer. We are all born with sacred gifts and special qualities that are meant to be shared with the world. When we are young, these gifts flow easily and pour out of us. We sing, we dance, we play – we share our talents with anyone and everyone who will listen. And even if they won’t – we don’t let that stop us. We are simply living our purpose and sharing our gifts.

And then somewhere along the way, we learn to be self conscious about our gifts. We learn that maybe not everyone wants to see, hear, or receive our gifts. We learn that maybe our gifts aren’t the best gifts – maybe someone else has better gifts to offer. We learn that maybe our gifts aren’t practical gifts – maybe they should be replaced with gifts that are better suited for making it in this world – for succeeding in this world.

And so we bury our gifts deep inside ourselves. And we go about our lives in a conforming way. We do what we think is “right” and what we think is “acceptable.” All the while continuing to push our deepest desires further and further down.

And then we become adults with all of the responsibilities that go along with growing up: a real job, a house, bills, kids, etc. And we do all of these things and feel that we are doing a good job – but there is still that calling from deep inside: our sacred gifts want to come out. And maybe they have made little appearances here and there over the years – we paint on the side, we write a little bit every weekend, we sing in the shower, we help our friends with their relationship troubles… but we know deep down that our gifts want to come out so much more. They want to be a priority in our life. They want to be what we devote most of our time to – not an afterthought when we are too tired to act on it anyway.

I was on a phone call yesterday through the Realize Your Vision event sponsored by Inspired Mentors. Monique MacDonald spoke about our sacred gifts and really got me thinking about how important it is for each of us to identify them in our own life.

She said that they are always outwardly focused – what you can give to the world – rather than inwardly focused – what you can give to yourself. And for this reason, she emphasized that if you feel that you don’t have your own life together – you can still share your sacred gifts with others.

She also said that you can be really good at something, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a sacred gift. The way to tell is to notice whether it feeds you or depletes you. You may be a wonderful bookkeeper in your business. You are efficient and have learned the software and are now an expert at accounting. But every time you think about doing your books, you immediately feel drained. This is not a sacred gift. A sacred gift will always energize you.

She has an entire audio program on this subject, where she talks about each sacred gift and helps you determine if you have it or not.

Think back to when you were young – what gifts did you like to share with others?
Do you still share those same gifts now?
If not, why?
Was it because of something that happened that led you away from it or was it because you changed and no longer see this as something you want to give?

When I was young I used to sing. A lot. I was very shy, but once I got to know someone, instead of talking and blabbering, I would make up songs that kept going and going. I would sing about how happy I was that we all loved each other. I would sing about what a lovely color the sky was. I would look around the room and sing about every object that I noticed. I can imagine now how this would’ve been cute at first and then could get annoying after awhile. Thankfully, my family members and friends humored me and listened. And I loved it.

I continued to be confident in my singing through elementary school and entered a singing contest in sixth grade. And while I received a blue ribbon, the only thing I noticed was a mark on the page that said I needed to project my voice more. I was devastated. But I pulled myself up and tried out for a mixed choir the next year. Again, the teacher said the same thing.

So I stopped singing in public.
My sacred gift was muted. It was something that I loved sharing, and this joy inside of me was turned off.

I am just now learning to sing again in front of others. It’s been a slow process, but it’s one that I am determined to work through.

I’m sure we all can think of ways our own sacred gifts have been muted in some way.
Maybe you were a painter who was told that you would never make a living doing something so frivolous.
Maybe you were a writer who was told to be a reporter instead of a fiction writer because it was a more secure way to make a living.

If we take a look at our sacred gifts and remember what they are, then we can start bringing them back.

And if you have had your sacred gifts with you all along, pat yourself on the back! It takes a lot of courage and inner wisdom to hold tight to your gifts, even when you are told to focus on something else.

Our sacred gifts are meant to be shared. It’s our birthright to share them with the world. 🙂

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Posted on July 1, 2011 by admin

How often have you compared yourself to someone that you admired and thought that you would never be able to accomplish what they have?
How often have you stopped taking action before you even started because you convinced yourself that you couldn’t possibly get your message out as effectively as they have?
How often have you shied away from sharing your message because you assumed that they have already said pretty much what you were planning on saying anyway – so what was the point?

You are you.
There is only one you.
And your voice needs to be heard.
It deserves to be heard.

Your style of getting your message out there is unique to only you. Your approach is yours and yours alone. Your heart only belongs to you, and therefore, you are the only one who can voice what is in it. You are the only one who can express your inner wisdom.

And your message is so important.

It’s worth pressing through your perceived limitations to step into the spotlight.
It’s worth pushing aside your own insecurities about not being sure if you are good enough to have a voice.
It’s worth rising above the barriers that you have put in place in order to protect yourself.
It’s worth all of this because what you have to say matters.

So the next time you start comparing yourself to someone else – the next time you start to feel inferior or intimidated by all that they have accomplished – the next time you decide to pause and not take action because you aren’t sure if what you have to say truly matters… STOP.

You are the only one who can shout your message from the mountains.

You are the only one who can inspire others with the message inside your heart.
And your voice is important and absolutely necessary in our world.
Let us all hear it!

P.S. – Thank you to everyone who has been praying for New Mexico. The fires are absolutely devastating there, and the one near my mom’s house is now over 100,000 acres and only 4% contained. Please continue to send your love their way…

Finding (Insert Your Name Here)…

Posted on June 27, 2011 by admin

Have you seen the new show on the Oprah Winfrey Network called Finding Sarah?

It’s about Sarah Ferguson’s (the Duchess of York) journey toward finding herself.

She has truly hit rock bottom in both her life and her self worth, and it’s really heartbreaking to watch her struggle to go within and find her soul again. She has been through so much in her life (being a member of the royal family and all of the rules that go along with it, being tormented by the press through the years, and sabotaging any good that came her way due to a lack of self worth).

And while she has had a life that none of us can even begin to imagine, she is still extremely relatable. I think we can all find bits of ourselves in her – struggling to find where we fit in, trying to get to know who we are deep inside after taking away all of the externals, distorted views of our physical appearance, seeking approval from others, wanting to please, afraid to express anger, living with so much regret, hurt and sad over events that occurred in childhood, afraid that you will never be whole again, feeling lost and broken…

She brings all of these insecurities and issues to the surface with a yearning to fill herself up with love – her own love. She longs to love herself fully for the first time in her life.

I can empathize with her so deeply – for the pain she has gone through, the mistakes she has made in her life, and for the loss of self that she is experiencing.

And while the externals are different, we all can relate to her struggles.
We have all been there to some degree at some point in our life.
Maybe we are there right now.

And she is so brave to be vulnerable enough to show her authentic self – before she has it all figured out.
We are all works-in-progress. We are all just trying to figure it all out. My hat truly goes off to Sarah for being brave enough to let us go on this journey with her.

I definitely recommend that you watch it.
I guarantee you will learn something about yourself in the process.

Are You Worth It?

Posted on June 16, 2011 by admin

This seemingly innocuous question from our Journaling Further Within book can really bring up all sorts of outdated beliefs and issues of self worth if you dig deep enough.

I think most of us believe that we are worth the necessities of life – food, shelter, love, etc.

But if we go beyond this, our self doubt tends to kick in, and we start wondering what we are truly worth after all.

A great example of feeling worth it is with regard to self care.

We probably would all agree that we are worth giving ourselves a reward now and then for a job well done – this could be in the form of a night off, or a day out just by ourselves, or treating yourself to a spa day, hanging out with your girlfriends, etc.

And yet – how often do we actually do these things?

Life takes over, and we have to take the kids to various activities, dinner needs to be made, the house needs to be cleaned, and before we know it the days have stretched into months, and we can’t remember the last time we took any time (even a moment) for ourselves.

If I were to suggest that we each take time every single day for ourselves, I would imagine that many would think I was crazy. Or maybe they would think that I just don’t understand the infinite demands that are put on them. That if they took this much needed time for themselves, everything would fall apart.

Or would it?

Sometimes feeling like we are needed and like we can’t take the time to nurture ourselves can be our saboteur stepping forward. This is the part of us that doesn’t feel great and truly doesn’t think we are worth much at all. This is the part of us that lacks self esteem, self confidence, and self awareness. And when this part takes over, if you aren’t conscious of it, you will look back at your life years later and wonder why you feel like a shell or only part of a person. You may wonder how this happened, which can be really scary.

The saboteur is only part of us though, and we have the choice to decide how large or small we would like this part of us to be.

Once we recognize this shadowed part of ourselves, we can push it aside and let our souls do the talking from now on.

And your soul emphatically wants you to take time for yourself each day. It knows that you are worth that – and so much more. And the more you can step into this part of yourself wholeheartedly, the more worthy you will feel. And the more it will become second nature to fill up your own tank and build up your own confidence.

Because you are worth that and so much more.

Spring Clean Your Beliefs

Posted on June 10, 2011 by admin

Can you think of a belief that you have that really is outdated or no longer serves you or maybe never really was your belief in the first place?

Let’s say when you were very young you were afraid to jump off of the high dive at the swimming pool. And from that moment on, you were known as the scaredy cat by your friends and family. Before that, you didn’t feel particularly afraid in other areas of your life, but every time you heard this label, it reinforced this notion that you were afraid of life and timid and weak somehow. And this became part of your identity.

Now imagine that you are an adult who is still carrying around this label and belief that wasn’t accurate in the first place. Years have gone by, and because of this belief that you are afraid of everything, you have shied away from opportunities all because of fear.

But it’s truly not too late to change this belief. You get to decide each moment of each day how you will react to certain situations, and how you view yourself. So even if this label has become part of your identity, it’s not too late to remove it and replace it with something else – something that feels more like you.

Try on a bunch of beliefs and labels and see which fits the best. Remember that only you get to decide. You can get input from your friends and family (although I would encourage – at least in the beginning – doing this exercise on your own), but ultimately you are the one who has the final say.

Have fun going through your beliefs and seeing if any of them are outdated or inaccurate for who you have become. Like we clean out our closets each spring and get rid of clothes that we no longer wear or that no longer feel like who were are, we can also do the same thing with our beliefs.

Make sure you are only wearing the beliefs that feel the most like you.

Your soul will thank you for it!

P.S. – One of the biggest giveaways that we’ve ever been a part of has started! It’s sponsored by Healthy Wealthy And Wise, and over 700 self-help goodies are available! Just sign up for free, and you’ll have access to everything – including our Manifestation Ebook Set, which includes our Gratitude Book, As If Book, and Commitment Book (on page 21)! All for free! I just love giveaways! 🙂

Be Your Own Biggest Cheerleader

Posted on May 25, 2011 by admin

It is wonderful to surround yourself with loving friends and family who cheer you on and support you in everything you do.

I feel blessed that I have a great support system. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and boosts me up no matter what I do. I have a loving mom who has always been there for me and allowed me to always be myself. And I also have supportive friends who love me and honor me. Their love means the world to me. And it’s easy to sometimes rely on their support rather than look within and be my own cheerleader.

And I started thinking about what would happen if we were each our own biggest cheerleaders? Rather than looking for love and support outside of ourselves, what if we turned inward and began to cheer ourselves on instead?

What if we loved ourselves unconditionally?

What if we were easier on ourselves?

What if we were our biggest supporter?

What if we traded in our inner critics for our inner cheerleaders?

What if we were the first ones to give ourselves a high five when we did something great?

If we are standing strong and cheering ourselves on, then our support system is an added bonus. We are no longer relying on our loved ones to hold us up any longer.

We are holding ourselves up!

So let’s start cheering ourselves on!

What is one thing you can congratulate yourself about right now?

What have you done lately that you are proud of?

What can you celebrate today?

What is one gift you can give yourself as a reward for being so awesome?

Feel free to share what you have to cheer about in the comments section below!

Remember that you rock, and you deserve a big cheer for that!

P.S. – I’ll start the cheering section! This is my 101st post! I committed to writing one post a day 101 days ago, and I have done it! I love writing this blog, and I am so touched by the wonderful support I have received from so many of you. 🙂

Loving Your So-Called Flaws

Posted on May 23, 2011 by admin

Today’s post is a continuation of yesterday’s post about Mirror Work, where you say, “I love you” to yourself each time you pass by a mirror.

In addition to feeling a bit goofy and awkward, this exercise can also bring up feelings of insecurity. Your inner critic may appear and start pointing out all of your physical “flaws.” If this happens, here is a great writing prompt from our Journaling Further Within book to help combat this voice and move on in a positive way:

Is there any part of your physical appearance that you criticize or don’t always feel great about?

If so, think of at least one thing that you like about it and write it down.

By choosing to focus on what we like about our appearance instead of picking out our so-called flaws, we give energy to positivity instead of letting our inner critic control our lives.

You could even take this exercise a step further if you would like.

The next time you are standing in front of a mirror, make sure you have a pen and notebook with you. Look at yourself from top to bottom and write down every single thing that you like about your body. Leave out anything that you don’t. (If there are things that you don’t like, use the exercise above to try to think of one positive aspect for each part you don’t like.)

The great part of this exercise is that you will have proof in writing of how beautiful you are and how wonderful your body is. This way, the next time you are feeling a bit down about how you look, you can take out your notebook for an instant self-esteem boost.

Learning to love ourselves inside and out is a process – one that most of us are still figuring out and discovering. By taking these first steps toward loving your body, you will start your own journey toward self love. And this is truly the key to lasting happiness.

Mirror Work – Part 2

Posted on May 22, 2011 by admin

I love that last month’s post about Mirror Work is one of our most read posts.

I think this is so great because I feel that self care and self love are essential for lasting happiness, and mirror work is one way to begin to love yourself.

I hope you have been participating in my 30-day mirror work invitation:

Each time you pass a mirror, look into your eyes and say, “I love you” (out loud).

I have found that if you can commit to something for 30 days it truly becomes a habit, and you are much more likely to continue it throughout your life.

(That’s how I started this blog, actually. I committed to myself that I would do it every day for 30 days and see where it took me – and now I am almost at 100 days! It’s become such a crucial part of my routine that I would miss it if I didn’t write each day.)

And it’s the same with mirror work (or anything else you commit to).

Louise Hay (a woman that I truly admire and look up to) believes that mirror work is the essential most powerful ingredient toward self love and self esteem.

I was listening to Hay House Radio last night and the wonderful Lisa Nichols was speaking about mirror work as well! (You may remember her as one of the prominent speakers in The Secret.) A caller asked her what is the quickest way toward feeling worthy and deserving of love, money, happiness, etc.

This is what she recommended:

Stand in front of a mirror each day and say the following:

I am proud that you…

(list 7 things)

I forgive you for…

(list 7 things)

I commit to you that…

(list 7 things)

Imagine how loved, acknowledged, and validated you will feel after doing this each day!
And remember that it’s completely okay if you don’t have seven things for each category. The point is to get into the habit of acknowledging yourself and praising yourself. If you have one thing that you are proud of, make sure you say it!

Mirror work is such a great way to start loving yourself and realizing just how wonderful you truly are! Give it a try today and see how it feels! Remember that it may feel awkward and silly at first, but keep at it! Soon it will feel completely normal and wonderful. And soon you’ll start to notice positive changes happening in your life – all because you have begun to put yourself back on your priority list.

And if you miss a few days, it’s okay! (I know that I definitely have.)

Just start up again and recommit to making self care a habit.

Your soul will be forever grateful!